January 18, 1992 (age 14)

Dearest Carnation, Today was a horrible day in which I hope to forget soon.  I'm still in Portland but that has nothing to do with why I'm so...  You know that cough syrup overdose I told you about?  Well, it turns out indeed I did have to suffer consequenses of that stupid mistake.  Yesterday was just a tiny part of the horrible things I faced today.  I thought that I was going to die!!  I had a fever, headache, body aches, I was dizzy and nervous.

It turns out, these are all side-effects of a cough syrup overdose.  Can you believe it?!  Some stupid cough medicine has make me sick this whole day.

At least it isn't as bad as I thought.  I thought I'd maybe gotten pnemmonia and was going to have to miss our ski trip.  Hopefully I'll get better before then.

I watched so much TV today as I lay dying on the couch.  One good thing - I finally got to see Heathers.  I LOVED it.  I thought it was really cool!  One really great thing was that both my favorite actress-- Winona Ryder, and my most favorite actor (I don't think I need to mention names, do I?) were in it.  Gary acted like I would hate it and be scared or something  but I LOVE that movie.  It was definately worth the wait.

I probably could go on and on about it, but I think I'll stop now.  I hope to get better tomorrow so that me and Mignonne can see Kuffs.  I heard it wasn't all that great, but I want to see it anyways.  It will be fun.

Well, I should probably go to sleep now.  Did you know it's only 7:16pm.  I've had a really rough day, huh?

Love you!

January 17, 1992 (age 14)

All 4 you Carnation Hello, Hello, Hello. What's up witchoo? I'm okay, I guess. Right now I'm in Portland. I'm staying until Monday (Martin Luther King day!).

Tomorrow I'm going to Mignonne's for the afternoon. Then we are going to see Kuffs on probably Sunday afternoon or evening.

She now gets YM magazine all the time. She said that they have a big old story about - who else - Christian Slater. She said the pictures were really weird-looking. I can definately understand why she might think that. I've seen pictures of him in, like, People and stuff and he looks like a total space-o, just staring into space like crazy person. I, of course, don't mind.

Today at school I felt sick the whole day.  I was practically coughing my lungs out!  Also, my throat is so sore, sometimes I can hardly even talk.  My back hurts.  It's this pain I can't exactly describe.  It just hurts.  I most certainly hope I get better before the ski trip or I think I will have to die.

Oh, last night my coughing was so bad I just got out of bed and took a big swig of cough syrup.  Then I kept having dreams about dying of a cough syrup overdose!  It was really terrible!  I hate it when I die in my dreams.

I called Mignonne.  She's not mad anymore, if she even was in the first place!!  We were talking about our favorite sayings from all of Slater's movies.  I know that sounds really nerdy, but it was fun!  We'd say, "Tramp, Bitch!"

I'm glad she isn't mad at me.  I most certainly wouldn't want to lose my bestest friend!!

I got to skip P.E. today since I wasn't feeling well.  That was cool, but really boring, I'm really glad I didn't have to play though.  It was soccer and I hate soccer.

Yesterday was my last day in choir.  Praise the Lord!  Hallaluah!  I was so sick of that stupid class I could puke!

Yesterday, Lacey and Michelle didn't come to school because some friends from their church had died in a  car wreck the night before.  It sounded really sad.  One of them was some lady that was like an adopted grandma to them.  With her sixteen year old grandson.  It made all of them very upset.  Liz said she had a crush on the kid.  His name was Ben.

I would freak out if someone I knew personally died.  I know soon my great-grandparents will die, and then my grandparents and even my mom will.  It's just too depressing to think about.  Death is so unfair.  I hate it.

I have to go to sleep now.

C ya later.  GOOD NIGHT SWEETHEART, WELL IT'S TIME to go!

Love ya,

January 15, 1992 (age 14)

Hello my Carnation, I hope you had a good day, sitting on my table, waiting anxiously for me to write in you again.  Am I right? I watched a Jetson's cartoon a long time ago and I remember that Judy's diary could talk.  That's cool, I guess, but I certainly wouldn't want my diary to tell everyone what I said!!

Today I took my Bible test.  I think I got a pretty good grade on it, but I really don't know.  I won't know for about a week probably since Mr. [teacher] is so slow.

Mrs. [teacher] made me really mad today because, okay, on Romeo and Juliet I love the nurse.  That's the character that I always want to play.  So this really dramatic scene for the nurse came up today, and she wouldn't let me be the nurse!  I think that that really sucks.  No one else can be the Nurse as well as I can and she knows it, she just wanted to make my life miserable or something.  I hate people like that.

You know what I wrote yesterday about how I'm not going to like anymore guys.  Well I guess I was kindof full of bullcrap since today I descided that I like Evan again.  I don't know how long it will last, but Isn't it pathetic??

I hate liking people.  I feel really weird, like I have to be nice all the time when they are around so they won't think I'm a spoiled brat.  I don't like having to act different than I am.  (Not that I'm exactly a spoiled brat all the time or anything!!)

When people first meet me they always think I'm so sweet and quiet and shy, then little by little they realize I'm really nothing like they thought.  I kindof wish that I was like they thought, but the person they imagine me was has no opinions about anything.  People who really know me know that I can just about talk a person's ears off!

I just realized how much I hate my fingernails.  They are so ugly, all chipped and dirty and icky!!

Today I tried on all my shorts from last year, you must understand -- last year they were all too big for them, I had to wear a belt with them all summer!  Okay so anyways, I tried them on, and they all fit me perfectly!!  Isn't that cool?!  I'm so proud of myself.  I hate my metabolism.  I mean It goes so fast.  I could be asleep and I'd lose weight.  I hate that.  Everyone says I have nothing to complain about, but I don't like to be so skinny.  I wish I could just gain about 15 pounds.  Maybe even 10 would be alright.

I can't break tradition, so I'll at least mention Christian, okay?  I'm listening to my tape of Robin Hood.  Not the soundtrack, but the tape I did with all my favorite scenes.   He did such a good job with his accent.  I love it.   He is such an awesome actor.

Gotta go now.  I have a typing and Biology quiz tomorrow!

Love,

future actress (I hope)

October 21, 1990 (age 13)

Today I was at Gary's and I made brownies.  We didn't do anything instead of go to Newberry's (major cheap store) and Payless (another one) and the Silk Flower. I bought 6 (yes 6) teddy bears and a pin and Joni's present- a bubble necklace.  I didn't go to Joni's party but I'm sure she'll understand.

I [heart] Aaron.

Love,

January 14, 1992 (age 14)

Hello Carnation, Today was an okay day. I mean it most certainly wasn't great but it wasn't too bad either.

I have a question for you.   Why do Bradley and Connor find it nessisary to read mine and Liz's notes and no one elses?  It really irratates me.  Lacey and Tara write notes all the time and they never try to read theirs.

Our notes aren't even all that mean.  I mean, we don't usually talk about other people, they are pretty much just funny, personal stuff.  They "intercepted" one today.  Thank goodness it wasn't anything too bad.  It was just a really dumb dramatic thing I wrote.

I didn't get to be the Nurse today for our dumb play-reading expidition.  I really hate this school and just about everyone in it.

[A list of everyone I liked and hated was here.]

Sometimes I think Liz and I aren't very good influences on each other.  We're bad enough separately but when we are together we are really a handful!!  I don't know how our teachers can put up with us.  One thing I can say is that we have alot of fun when we are together.

I think I'll give up on Evan and all guys for now.  I don't need one for ten more years so I'll just forget about them.  I'm sick and tired of liking guys and them not liking me back.  I hate that.  That has happened to me much too often and I'm not going to take it anymore!  From now on, I won't like any guys, okay?

Love ya,

January 13, 1992 (age 14)

Dearest Carnation, Hello.  Carnation, Carnation, wherefore art thou, Carnation.

As you probably can see, for English Literature class we are still doing Romeo and Juliet.  It's really dumb.  We don't act it out or anything.  We just sit at our tables and read.  Almost no one in our class puts any acting or feeling into it, they just read in monotone voices.  It's really dull.  Trust me.

Missy is going to be leaving on Friday the 17th.  That should be kind of sad.  She made out a "will" today.  I get her locker and her desk spot.  (It's right next to Liz's.)  When Evan  found out he said, "Oh. I guess I can see where that would be nessisary."

I think that he must really hate me.  I mean really hate me.  I know he thinks I am weird, so does everyone in this stupid class, but I think I just bug him to death.

I hope I get a date to the Banquet, even if it does turn out to be stupid.  that would be a major bummer is I went to another banquet without a date.  It would be my third year in a row!  How depressing.  All the guys here probably think I'm too strange and they wouldn't want to even ask me.

Good Job!  Now I have just depressed myself.  I hate when I do that.

Yesterday I did the stupidest thing.  Okay, my mom got - Jane Fonda's Ultimate Workout.  It's really for professional dancers and athletes, but I did it anyways.  So the tape is 90 minutes long and I did my little aerobics for about twenty minutes and I was, and still am, sooooo sore!  My muscles in every part of my body just ache.

I feel like crawling into a hole and sleeping for 36 hours straight.  That would be cool.  A day and a half of nothing but relaxation.  Even twelve hours would be great actually.

I love to sleep.  I love to have dreams too.  My dreams are so weird.  Lately, most of them have had me shooting a film or a commericial, three have had me dying or dead, and three have had me married.  (Once to Mignonne's brother and twice to -- who else -- Christian Slater.  How annoying.)

In most of my acting ones, I get in a fight or argument with someone. My marriages are always happy and my deaths are sad.  Everyone is crying and stuff.

I want to get off the subject of dreams now, okay?  This is kindof boring.

I don't get to quote Robin Hood very often, I'm sure that pleases everyone around, except I still say, "Do you mind, Locksley?" and "You are strange, Christian."  There's a few more I use only occasionally (like "F*** me!  He cleared it!" and a few others), but that's the majority I guess.

I hope Gary taped Heathers for me.  I really want to see that.  People refer to it all the time.  No one that I know, but movie people do.  That all act like it was really good.

Winona Ryder is engaged to Johney Depp.  I'm sure you could care less, but I needed something to take up the rest of this page!

Love ya, very, very much!

January 11, 1991 (age 14)

Dearest Carnation, Hello, how's everything going for you? I guess they must be fine since you're nothing but paper anyways.

Today I read something depressing.  It was the movie review for Kuffs.  It got only one star and that means dreadful. The critic said in other words, the movie was really lame.

Christian Slater was supposedly always making sexist remarks about Milla Jovovich - she played his girlfriend.  I guess his character, George Kuffs, was a real jerk in the movie.  Also, the guy said it was either a comedy trying to be an action film or an action film trying to be a comedy.

I'll probably go see it anyways if Mignonne isn't still mad at me.  I don't know exactly what's going on.  I'll probably write to her soon.  I don't know.

Did you ever notice that just about every entry in here so far mentions Christian Slater at some time?  Not all of them do, but just about!  I guess that's really weird.  Most people don't think about actors they like that much do they?  I don't know but I'm not too worried about it or I'd be in therapy or something.

Last night, Bob made me really mad.  I was saying something about how I thought it would be fun to be in a movie and he said, "Just forget about it okay. It's not gonna happen so forget about it."

It made me so mad! I guess I'll show him, won't I!!

I want to take a drama class. I think it would be good for me. Hopefully the school I go to for my junior or senior year has a drama class since this sucky school certainly doesn't have one.  This school is so lame. I hate it.  I wish they would kick me out or something so I would have to leave and then maybe I could go to a decent school.  I mean, I really hate it here.

Evan made me mad again. I'm not sure exactly what he did, I forgot, but he just gets on my nerves.

I'm thinking about not even going to our stupid banquet. I'm sure it's going to really lame.

I think I'm going to buy some black jeans soon. I really need some. I have 3 shades of blue, one pair of white, and one pink.  Now I need black.

Today I bought a pair of green stretch pants, a pair of white and a white turtleneck.  White is my favorite color. I don't know why.

I am really tired. Last night I went to bed about eleven and this morning I woke up about eleven but I'm exhausted. When we were at the mall, I kept feeling dizzy.

My ears hurt because I'm listening to my Bryan Adams tape with headphones and I've had them on way too loud!!

I'm so tired. After I finish this page I'll probably collapse on my pillow!!!  I cannot believe how long some of these entries are!

Well, good night!  I'll probably write more tomorrow or something.

Love ya,

January 10, 1991 (age 14)

Dear Carnation Hello!  First of all I guess I'll tell you about my biology test. It really wasn't all that hard, but I missed nine! He'll probably curve it about 5 points, so I'll get a B+ or A- I hope. My mistakes were all really dumb stuff that I should have known.  I'm not all that worried about it, though.

Today we got a new seating arrangement in English/Typing.  I was so glad.   I was getting tired of sitting next to Evan.  Sometimes I like him but the rest of the time he just makes me mad.

Now I sit by Connor. That's okay, I guess, but it means that Liz and I will have to be extra careful about any notes we write since he can just read it over my shoulder.

Mrs. [teacher] and Mr. [teacher] both ticked me off today.  First, in Bible, I was asking Liz a question about Bible and heaven forbid, it was during worship.  So he has a cow and tried to make L and I look like fools.  What a jerk!

Then Mrs. made me mad because I was ripping up another old note that I had found and she asks, in front of the class, what I was doing.  So I told her I was ripping up paper.  She had an absolute cow!  She, also, tried to make me look like a fool.  I told Liz that I thought Mrs. was a bitch right in the middle of class.  I'm sure Mrs. heard me but she didn't dare comment.

I hate this school!  It sucks.  I know that's why almost no one is coming back next year.  I mean, of course the tenth graders can't, but alot of the ninth graders aren't either.  I wish that I wasn't.  This school is just so stupid.  I have the teachers. I hate choir here.  I guess I just hate everything about it except for a couple of the kids.

About 3 or 4 days ago I read a book.  It's really long, well, I mean, for what it's about.  It's 250 pages.  It is about how to start a career in acting.  When I read that, I realized for the first time how hard getting an acting job really is. It said that the best ages to start are when you're six or at least 18.  I think I'll go for the last one since I can't exactly re-wind the last eight years of my life!!

This book was really helpful.  Poor Christian Slater's going to have to wait for 4 more years to meet me, at the very least!!  Hopefully, for both our sakes, he remains unmarried until that time!!

Did I ever tell you who my favorite actress is?  Her name is Winona Ryder.  She is really talented and she is cute.  I am really jealous of how good she is.  I was I was as good as she is.

One of the prettiest model/Actresses, in my opinion, is this girl named Milla Jovovich.  I am very jealous of her.  I mean, I think she is beautiful!  She's either 15 or16 and she looks about 25!  She is so pretty.  I wish I was as pretty as she is.  She's been a model since she was probably eleven years old and then she looked at least 18!  She's been in two movies now:  Return to the Blue Lagoon and Kuffs- the newest movie of Christian Slater's!

By the way, that movie comes out tonight!  I'll probably go see it next weekend or something.  It looks hilarious.  It will be my first time seeing Christian Slater on the BIG Screen!

Well, I've got to go.  Maybe I'll write more later okay!

Love,

January 9, 1992 (age 14)

Dear Carnation, Todays entry will be short because I have a biology test to study for.

Today was a stupid day. I was in a bad mood almost the whole day.  I think Evan might be mad at me but I really don't care.

[Three girls] made me so mad today. They all think they are so sophisticated.  I was also mad at Bradley and Connor.

Me and Liz had to go to drastic measures and rip up every single note we'd ever written, it was sad!

Gotta go!  Sorry!  Love ya!

XO

January 8, 1991 (age 14)

Dearest Carnation, Hello!  It's been yet another completely exciting day at [school]!  I'm sure you can see that I'm being sarcastic.

I acted like complete idiot.  I really did!  I do everyday. I can't help it. I act like a total bubble head. Okay. An airhead. Does that sound better? I don't know if everyone thinks I'm naturally weird or if I'm just trying to be cute, or what!

I got so made at Connor today. We (me and Liz) wrote a note and we were writing, like about acting and stuff and it was just really embarrassing stuff. So Liz got mad at Connor and, I don't know, she just threw the note at him. So he picked it up and we begged and pleaded for him to give it back and not read it, but of course he wouldn't listen so he went downstairs to the men's restroom  and S followed and they read it!  Can you believe it?!

It made me so mad I threw my Capri Sun at the wall.  I expected it to bounce back, or just hit the floor or something. Instead, it ripped open and juice came out in all directions! By the way, this was in the girl's restroom and that's were everyone keeps their jackets, book,  and bags. I really don't know why we don't use our lockers like normal people but we don't.  So anyways, the juice got all over everything.. the mirror, the counter, the floor, people's bags and papers and even on someone's leather jacket! As I cleaned up the mess with paper towels, I was so scared. Trust me, it was a huge mess.

Anyways, luckily me and Liz were the only people in there.  We were cracking up.  We were laughing so hard I almost fell on the sticky floor.  Oh, the funniest was when it was time to change for P.E.  Naturally, we changed in the bathroom and people were like, "It smells like raspberries or something."

They were also walking in their stocking feet on the sticky floor.  It was hilarious.  They were like, "The floor is sticky!"  We (me and Liz and Missy) were just dying laughing. (We told Missy.)

For P.E. we played Sex Specific Basket Ball.  That's what Mr. M calls girls against girls on one court and guys against guys on the other.  It's not very much fun. I mean, it's so disorganized and everyone is so violent. Today I got pushed alot, got my finger jammed twice and get scratched in the eye once by Holly.  (It still hurts!)  Me and Liz and Tara spent most of the game not playing.

I still have no idea of Evan likes me or if he'll ask me to the banquet. Sometimes I think he does, but then I realize that's how he acts around everyone else too.  I'm sure he thinks of me only as a friend, a friend who's really strange!

Most guys don't like me. They think I'm too weird.  Last year in Portland, I had alot of friends that were guys. Of  course, I wasn't friends with all of them. There was a group of them that hated my guts and weren't at all shy about letting me know either!  I think the reason they hated me was because in 7th grade one of them asked me to the banquet.  I said I would think about it and I did. For two days all he did was follow me throughout the school asking if I'd made my desision yet. It made me so mad how he kept bugging me that once, I yelled really loudly, "NO!" Then I stomped down the hall to get away.

Later that day, he had the nerve to ask me again.  At that, I said I'd made my decision and No I would not go with him.  If he would have just left me alone for a few hours, I probably would have accepted.

Ever since then, him and all his friends hated me and during P.E. they would purposely bomb me with basketballs. I got so mad I had one of my guy friends tell them to leave me alone.

I always have been a wimp. For some reason, I can't seem to take care of myself. My friends always have to do it for me. That's why I hate going to skating rinks.  I always get in trouble. There is always some girl threatening to "kick my ass" or some pervert guy who follows me around the whole place saying sick stuff to me, and last, but certainly not least, some kid who sends out about a million spies to bug me and ask if I'll couple skate with him. I just can't handle all these pressures.  I refuse to go to a skating rink unless it's a church get-together type thing.

Tara says for her birthday she is going to have me, Liz, and Lacey over to go skating. I'm scared.  I really am. I tried to protest but she says that we can beat them up and Evan was standing there and said something like I should shoot them or something. Sometimes I don't understand what he says but I laugh anyways.

Well, gotta go!

Love,

Love hug kiss    Talk at you later (Lucky u!)

January 4, 1992 (age 14)

Dearest Carnation, I know I haven't written in here for a long time, but well, I've been kindof busy.

I know you are going to want to kick my butt, but I've decided that Pump Up the Volume is a cool movie. In fact, it's one of my favorites. I know I was a real phychopath in my last entry, but I think I was getting high off my rootbeer or something. Don't ask me. Oh, also you must keep in mind that I almost never like movies the first time I see them. Okay? Well sometimes I like them, but I never love them until the 2nd or the 3rd time I see them.

Man, I just went back and re-read what I had written last time and I almost started laughing out loud! I sounded like a major idiot, especially that poem! Oh my God! I hope no one ever gets ahold of this or I am dead.  I mean, I'll die from the embarrasment of it all and this is only the 3rd day of writing in here!

Right now I'm listening to my soundtrack from Robin Hood. It's really cool! I almost am considering checking out music stores for the sound track to Pump Up the Volume. The songs in that movie were hilarious!

Christian Slater is in a new movie that comes out next friday. It's called Kuffs. It looks like it will be funny. And if not, too bad! At least I'll have seen another movie with him in it.  Mignonne wants to see it with me. At least she did before. I thinks she's made at me  because she said she was going to bed last night and it was only 6:30! Also she never called me back today.

By the way, I'm back at home now. My mom came and picked me and Lindsey up at 6:00! I was so glad to see her!

I am using the rest of my Christmas money to buy a new dress.  It's white and lacey and it has thin kindof straps. And it's only $40 (on sale)  I'm sure they will have my size and I will be happy and joyful and I will also have something cute to wear to the Banquet.  I hope Evan asks me to go with him.

I guess I haven't told you anything about him so I will now. Well, hmmm, he's a 10th grader, he's kindof tall, not really though, he likes basketball and football, he has brown hair and blue eyes (I think), all the rest I can see is that he's a real sweetheart. He's always really nice to me and he's really funny, too.  I think he might like me. At least Liz says that he told her that he thinks I'm cute.

I sometimes don't know wheather or not she's telling the truth to me though. I mean, Liz is my best friend at this school but sometimes I think that maybe she only tells me that kindof stuff so that she won't hurt my feelings or something.  Anyways, I don't base what I think about Evan on what she says. I kindof thought he might like me because lately he had started being even nicer to me than usual so that's kindof why.

Dang! I've been using the word - KINDOF - too much. I'll have to stop, even though it's kindof difficult!! (Just kidding!)

Oh, by the way, now whenever someone else burps, I always say, "That was deep!" I know that's really dumb, but it's kindof (oops!) a little joke I have with myself.  I saw it on Pump Up the Volume. Christian was talking on the radio about deep down feelings, I mean, you know, really personal stuff.  So then when he's done he goes, "That was deep." Then he lets out this monster of a belch.  It was so damn long and loud it kindof jolted me out of my seat. Me and Mignonne thought it was hilarious!

My cat Shelly just came into my room. So did Oliver Henry. Just a few minutes ago, Colie was in here. This bedroom has been like a freeway for the cats.  They have been in and out of here so many times it is quite annoying. Now Oliver is scratching my curtains. Stupid cat!

Did you know his real name is Christian Oliver Henry?!  At least that's what I named him. I don't call him Christian because really, it's kindof (there it is again!) embarrassing. So I call him Oliver Henry. Besides, no one else in my family know his real name. They call him Livvy. I don't want to say why, but I guess I should, huh?!  Well, we go him from the Humane Society and they wrote on the forms that he was a female cat! So none of us bothered to look, after all, these were so called professionals. They should know the sex of a cat, right? Well they didn't.

The day we got him we named him Olivia Sapphire. Then, when the vet told us that he was a boy, I immedietly changed the name (in private) to Christian Oliver Henry.  There Carnation.  Now you have everything you ever wanted to know about our cat and then some, huh?

Well good day. Sayonnarah.

Love,

xoxo

December 26, 1991 (age 14)

Dear Carnation, Before I tell you about the events of the day and stuff, I have to get this off my chest.  You see, me and Gary went down to Videoland to rent a movie. (Duh!) So I got Pump Up the Volume, a movie with Christian Slater in it.

Let me tell ya, it was weird.  I thought it wouldn't happen, but I feel completely different about him now.  The movie was bazaar and it made me think.  I mean, he's really good, but for some reason his character gave me the creeps. The whole time I was watching it my knees were shaking. It's like I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

Before I saw it, I was confident about acting, him, myself, just everything.  Now I'm totally confused.  Why did he have to be so  convincing?  Why did he even have to be in that movie?  And why did I have to rent it?

Maybe I'm just going insane because I'm tired and I need some major sleep.  I don't know.  I just want to splash some ice cold water on my face and tell myself it was only a dream, I didn't really watch that show, I didn't really see all that crazy stuff, my Christian wasn't really in that movie, it was all my imagination.  It was really some guy I hate, like. . . Prince, or Michael Jackson, or Johnney Depp.

I feel like ripping some hair out of my head. I feel like eating something.  The movie just made me sick. I keep wishing he'd never been in that movie.  I know that' s mean and selfish of me.  Of course I want him to be successful and get lots of money, but why did this movie have to do this to me? I am flipping out.  Maybe I need a drink or something (joke!).

I feel weird.  Like I should do something crazy.  Maybe I'll re-arrange my bedroom.  Nah, I need some sleep. Besides, I'll just wake everyone up, so I think it would be quite wise to stay right here in bed.  Okay?

I wonder if it is obvious to the rest of the world how weird I am.  I really don't know. Everyone probably thinks I'm calm and cheerful, but for real I'm weird.  Messed up, you might even say.  I feel like the character Christian played on "Pump Up the Volume."  He seemed shy, but he was really inside a daring and major disturbed kind of guy.

I know that I'm going to have a nightmare tonight.  Now, I am totally exhausted so I guess I won't describe todays events. I'm sure you are really dissappointed.  I was considering letting Mignonne read this, but now I'm not so sure. She'll go . . . whoa, what a strange person, is she on drugs or something? And I'll probably be minus an bestest friend.

I need to finish off this page. I can't just leave it like this.  Oh, from Gary for Christmas I got ski boots, a bag for them, a ski bag, some candy and oh, I'm too tired.  I have to sleep now.  Good night Carnation,

Love,

[A note from adult Mindi:  I declined to post over three pages from this entry where I went on and on and on about this movie messing me up and ruining my whole perception of the world etc, etc, etc.  There was also a terrible poem that I will never ever, ever post.  And also?  I really have no idea what I had against Johnny Depp.  If only I'd thought to give more insight on that at the time when I first wrote this.  Ha!]

December 25, 1991 (age 14)

Dear Book, Hello, this is probably about the fifth diary that I've started so hopefully I can keep up.  I am fourteen years old and I'm in 9th grade.  I go to [name redacted] Junior Academy.

I have brown, slightly permed hair.  It has slight red highlights, but I wish it were all red.  Plain brown is so boring.  I really don't know how to describe my eyes.  Some people tell me they are green, some say hazel, one person even said they were gold, but most people say brown.  I am about five foot-two and I weight about 90 pounds.  Alot of times my clothes don't fit me right, especially dresses.

My favorite colors are white, peach, pink, navy blue, and lavender.  I guess I really like all colors, but those are pretty much my favorites.

When I "grow up" I hope to be an actress.   I would love to get started now.  Maybe go to acting schools or get an agent. Most people don't tell me that I'm pretty, they tell me I'm "cute."  I think I would be alot prettier if my hair were longer and curlier and red.

My favorite movie is 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves'.  I love that movie.  I especially love Christian Slater.  He is a a wonderful actor and he seems like such a sweetheart.  I could just watch him in a movie or look at pictures of him all day.  I love to talk about him to my friends but all but M think he's weird and that I'm weird for liking him.

The thing about Christian is that he just inspires me.  He is such a great actor but he is also just like a normal guy.  I tell everyone that I'm going to meet him someday and that I'm going to be in a movie with him too, but I'm sure that none of them believe me.  They probably think it's just some wild fantasy.

Right now, I'm really into astrology. I like thinking that my future is written in the stars and all that stuff.  I read a profile on Librans (my sign) and it described me perfectly.  Everything about it was my inner thoughts.  Also, it said the perfect career for me would be acting, so I was definatly glad about that.  I just hope it all works out.

If I ever go into acting I think I'll use my middle name as my last name:  Mindi Rochelle instead of Mindi [maiden name].  Mindi [maiden name] is such a boring name.  The name just kind of sits there.  Mindi Rochelle isn't the most exciting name either but its alot better, you see.

I think I'm going to name this book Carnation. There Book, now you have a name.  Carnation.  Okay?  I've always wanted to name something that.

I got a globe for Christmas.  It's really neat.  I love globes.  This one is kind of a brownish color instead of plain old blue.  (As you can see, I really don't like ordinary things.)

I really should be going to bed now.  It almost one 'clock in the morning!!!  I hope I remember to write in you sometime soon.  Okay, Carnation?  Good night!

Love

March 29, 1992 (age 14)

As you can see by the date, I am now in 9th grade and, as you may not know, we moved to Tacoma and I go to school in Olympia.  I have a diary that I write in now, but I just got done reading this stupid book for the first time since I wrote it.  I about died laughing!  I can't believe I actually wrote all that junk. By the way, Aaron didn't go the that banquet with me or Joni.  He didn't go at all!  Also, me and Joni did get over him.  In case you care.

I should go now.  Maybe I'll write in this book again someday.

Love,

January 21, 1991 (age 13)

Tomorrow I go back to school and find out the dreaded news.  Is Aaron going to the banquet with Joni.  I hope not but I'm sure he is.  What reason does he have not to? I love him so much but Joni is trying to destroy me.  I just know it.

My mom got me a little Babs Bunny and Lindsey is all jelous.

Aaron please say no.  Please.  I love you too much for this to happen.

Oh well.  Bye.

P.S. I feel terrible thanks to my good friend Joni.

A note from adult Mindi:  This was the last time I ever wrote in this particular diary as a 13-year old.  There is one entry from when I was 14 that I'll post next week just for continuity sake (because 14-year-old Mindi very briefly touches on what happened with the Joni/Aaron drama).

When I was 15, I started using this book again regularly.  I'll wait to post anything from when I was 15 until after all the entries from when I was 14 are posted, though.

January 18, 1991 (age 13)

This has been the most awful day of my whole life.  My supposed friend Joni asked Aaron to the banquet I think.  All I know is that Joni was talking to Aaron and him to go somewhere with her.  Where else but the banquet?  I heard him say he'd think about it. When I just called Joni she was pretty cold.  She said, "I'm talking to Aaron now."  Then she just hung up.  I feel so awful I could cry.  I might hate Joni's guts.  I'll find out soon I guess.

December 30, 1990 (age 13)

Today was a boring day.  We didn't do much of anything.  I still have all those book reports to do because I forgot all about them. Lindsey is spending the night at Carrie's.

We go back to school in a few days.

I figured out a nice way to fix my hair.  My mom gave me a sweater and some bras she didn't want anymore.

I AM SO BORED.

Well  guess I should go to bed.

Love,

December 29, 1990 (age 13)

Today I talked to Mignonne, Kandace, and Joni.  Katie is at the lake with her family. I feel so confused about Aaron.  Oh well.  I guess I'll wait and see him in 4 days or whatever.

I've read more than fifteen books this vacation.  Mignonne and Kendall are going snowboarding.

Well I have about 5 book reports to write tomorrow.

Love,

December 25, 1990 (age 13)

Well of course today was Christmas.  Yesterday at Gary's I got a GameBoy, coat, a doll and a few other things.  Today at my mom's I got 2 nightgowns, robe, slippers, 3 pairs of pants, lots of shirts and sweaters, some books, stuffed animals, ski pants, 2 watches, hair bands, and some other stuff. I haven't spoke to my friends for days.  I have to go to Gary's for two days.  I might hate Aaron I haven't decided yet.  I want to go back to school.

Love,

December 18, 1990 (age 13)

Today I got my hair cut. I hate Lindsey.  She is such an idiot.  Okay first she knocked down my mom's plant.  Then she knocked down the mirror.  The she sat on the roof of my mom's car and dented in the top.  Then when I was sitting on the reclining chair her and Carrie got my fingers stuck in it.  Now I have a blood blister.  Now you can see why I hate her.

But there's more.  Last night she told me that she told Aaron at the beginning of the school year (I think I'm going to die) She told him that I like him.

I feel so much hatred toward Lindsey I could spit.  (I could do tons more than that, but spit sounds nicer).

Colie the cat is sitting on my bed cleaning herself.  Instead of washing, Kandace calls it WORSHING.  Dee calls it WARSHING.  I don't get it.

Well maybe I'm mad at Aaron.  I wish he would call me or something.

Well, Bye.  Love,

P.S. It's funny how just 2 days ago, I missed Aaron so much. Now I hope I never see him again.