Dear Carnation, Before I tell you about the events of the day and stuff, I have to get this off my chest.  You see, me and Gary went down to Videoland to rent a movie. (Duh!) So I got Pump Up the Volume, a movie with Christian Slater in it.

Let me tell ya, it was weird.  I thought it wouldn't happen, but I feel completely different about him now.  The movie was bazaar and it made me think.  I mean, he's really good, but for some reason his character gave me the creeps. The whole time I was watching it my knees were shaking. It's like I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

Before I saw it, I was confident about acting, him, myself, just everything.  Now I'm totally confused.  Why did he have to be so  convincing?  Why did he even have to be in that movie?  And why did I have to rent it?

Maybe I'm just going insane because I'm tired and I need some major sleep.  I don't know.  I just want to splash some ice cold water on my face and tell myself it was only a dream, I didn't really watch that show, I didn't really see all that crazy stuff, my Christian wasn't really in that movie, it was all my imagination.  It was really some guy I hate, like. . . Prince, or Michael Jackson, or Johnney Depp.

I feel like ripping some hair out of my head. I feel like eating something.  The movie just made me sick. I keep wishing he'd never been in that movie.  I know that' s mean and selfish of me.  Of course I want him to be successful and get lots of money, but why did this movie have to do this to me? I am flipping out.  Maybe I need a drink or something (joke!).

I feel weird.  Like I should do something crazy.  Maybe I'll re-arrange my bedroom.  Nah, I need some sleep. Besides, I'll just wake everyone up, so I think it would be quite wise to stay right here in bed.  Okay?

I wonder if it is obvious to the rest of the world how weird I am.  I really don't know. Everyone probably thinks I'm calm and cheerful, but for real I'm weird.  Messed up, you might even say.  I feel like the character Christian played on "Pump Up the Volume."  He seemed shy, but he was really inside a daring and major disturbed kind of guy.

I know that I'm going to have a nightmare tonight.  Now, I am totally exhausted so I guess I won't describe todays events. I'm sure you are really dissappointed.  I was considering letting Mignonne read this, but now I'm not so sure. She'll go . . . whoa, what a strange person, is she on drugs or something? And I'll probably be minus an bestest friend.

I need to finish off this page. I can't just leave it like this.  Oh, from Gary for Christmas I got ski boots, a bag for them, a ski bag, some candy and oh, I'm too tired.  I have to sleep now.  Good night Carnation,


[A note from adult Mindi:  I declined to post over three pages from this entry where I went on and on and on about this movie messing me up and ruining my whole perception of the world etc, etc, etc.  There was also a terrible poem that I will never ever, ever post.  And also?  I really have no idea what I had against Johnny Depp.  If only I'd thought to give more insight on that at the time when I first wrote this.  Ha!]