WHAT IN THE WORLD.

I have a hard time believing that my sandwich entry was the last time I updated this journal.  The reason I'm having such a hard time believing it is because I've tried to write other entries since and have FAILED. 

The most exciting of those was going to contain photos of certain actors portraying certain characters along with my amusing commentary.  Unfortunately, I was having Issues (note the captial "i") with the photo situation and gave up.  Seriously, where's a good place to get photos I can post in LJ entries with the least amount of hassle?  Does such a site exist?

In other news, today I posted an interview I did with Jennifer Brown, author of HATE LIST.  It was the second in my "Magic 8" series, but I put it over on the Tenners' page instead of here, 'cause that's what the deal was.  Check it out!

Oh, my husband and I bought an old/new car yesterday!  It looks pretty much like this one.    It's not necessarily what I would have chosen (la, la, la), but the Volvo is nicer than our old Honda that we're sick of and it serves many of our various car-having purposes, so I'm excited about it.  (See, wouldn't this be more fun with pictures on this page?  But I get so weary of all the steps involved in using photos!)

Hmm.  What else goes on? I got an email from Agent saying that Editor's revision notes should be ready in a few weeks.  So, that's good news!  I think I'll make a Seth playlist in preparation.  (I never made one for this book; I used to listen to the same CDs and songs over and over on repeat.   See how long it's been since I was working on this?  I didn't have an iPod back then!  Now I can put ALL the Seth songs in one collection.  To listen to over and over again...)   

And, my final bit of news to share at the moment:  I got a copy of my publishing contract in the mail yesterday.  I saw it all once before when I was signing it a few weeks ago.  Now, it has all the appropriate signatures, so it's a done deal! 

YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

The second half of the sandwich.

I am very picky about sandwiches.  They have to be fresh, fresh, fresh.  Like, assembled and eaten within minutes.  Otherwise, I won't stand for it.  Obviously, this doesn't work for those picnic/hiking events where one makes a sandwich in advance and eats it many hours later.  I just can't do it.  Things get soggy and warm and squished and, oh my!  I'm feeling a little sick just thinking about it. 

If ever there was a situation where I wanted to make a sandwich to eat later, I would bring the prepared veggies in a container, the condiments in containers, the cheese wrapped up, and the bread on its own.  I'd have a knife and when it was food time, I'd prepare the sandwich while out in whatever wilderness I'm in.  As you might imagine, I don't do this often (if ever, really) because hauling around a bunch of containers is not what anyone would call convenience.  I don't even take sandwiches to work for this reason.

My need for a fresh sandwich is so hardcore that I even have a hard time getting through the second half of a freshly prepared sandwich.  My pattern, for years, has been this:  I order (or, occasionally, make) the sandwich, start to eat it, think Mmm, this is so good--I'm going to eat this entire sandwich for sure!, finish the first half, start in on the second half, get about two or three bites in and think, This bread is soggy.  And did they really need to add this much [dressing]?  The lettuce is a little limp. And what is up with the tomatoes?  Why did they put ALL these tomatoes on here anyway?  I swear, the first half wasn't like this! 

At that point, I'll rip off sections of soggy bread, take a bite, pull out a tomato or two and set them on my plate or wrapper,  take a bite, maybe grab and eat a green pepper slice on it's own, use a knife or the wrapper to wipe off some of the condiments, take more bites, open the sandwich up and start picking out and eating olives or cheese or whatever, and then decide I can't take it anymore as I stare down at the destroyed remains of the sandwich.

The other day, my husband and I were at Panera and events with my grilled panini unfolded just as I described above.  I silently did my thing  that I do, and when it was over, Dwayne laughed and shook his head saying, "It's sad how predictable that was."

The thing is, it wasn't predictable to me!  I really believed (as I always do), that THIS TIME would be when I would eat the whole sandwich without ripping the second half to shreds.

The lesson in all of this is that I should stick to ordering a half a sandwich at a time.

Maybe I should have stuck to writing boys...

I'm not going to lie:  I spend a good portion of the time these days afraid that I'll never finish writing another book.  Since completing That One Untitled Book That Sold In May, I've thrown myself into three new projects. 

I've finished zero projects.

This past summer, I've spent the summer writing a first draft longhand for a story that doesn't have a title, but that I kind of want to call it LIVE THROUGH THIS.  I didn't entirely finish my draft, but I've now set it aside.  There's a part of the plot that I can't work out.  My idea is that whenever I can commit to typing it all up and making these sloppy scenes start to resemble polished scenes (later in the fall, after I've completed my revisions?), the answer I've been seeking might come.  I hope.

Meanwhile, I've had some ideas for the project I was working on last fall.  (Working titles were JAY, KAE & ELLE, BEFORE 17, and 17 BY 17.)  I have some solutions to the problems I was having before.  And some of them are going to require HUGE rewrites.  I'm not sure if I'm so in love with the new ideas because they're actually good ones or if it's just because I'm sick of what I had originally.  I thought that having some distance (and I'd definitely call eight months off "distance") would help me gain clarity, but now I'm not sure if I trust my judgment with this.

When I think of both of these stories and what they are lacking and why I can't seem to finish them, I believe the answer is "interesting protagonists."  That's a hard truth to face because I really don't want these two girls that I've put some much of my time into developing to be boring.  But to me, they kind of are.  And they are similar to each other, especially in that they are both doormats.  Especially in that they are both more similar to me than they should be.

One thing that made writing Seth such a great experience (while at the same time being frustrating) is that he isn't like me.  He doesn't see things the way I do.  He doesn't say things the way I say them.  He doesn't react to things in the way I would. 

With these girls, I'm not stretching enough.  I know this.  Their voices aren't distinctive.  I don't have to try as hard to understand them or feel what they feel because it's all there and it's easy.

I have to figure out how to get past this.  How to begin loving my female narrators as much as I love Seth so I can write a story that truly feels worth finishing.

Changing lyrics.

I working on writing (or re-writing, I should say) two songs.  One is a collaboration with my sister, so I can't tell you too much about it.  It's to the tune of Sir Mix A-Lot's "Baby Got Back," and it's about Princess Leia.  There might or might not be a line that goes "Even Wookies' got to shout--"

The other, I just thought of last night!  I want to do my own version of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music.  I don't know what I want any of the verses to be except that in place of "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" I want to sing, "[Blah blah blah blah blah] and Zac Efron dancing."

I'm actually not into ZE in a pervy way.  I mean, yeah, I think he's pretty and all.  But really, I just love to watch him dance.  And sing.  Preferably with a basketball. 

Nothing can get me out of a funk better than seeing any combination of those things!

Oh, the yearbook lolz.

So, I made a public entry about having found my yearbook from sophomore year. 

Backstory:  So, my first boyfriend (defined as "boyfriend" because we were "going out," but he never actually kissed me or anything) was Chris and I, you know, gave up Christian Slater to be with him.  Then, four weeks later, he broke up with me in a letter, telling me that he was going to boarding school in the fall so we might as well end things on an up note or whatever.  I was upset.  I thought he'd been playing me all along (although, why? I was/am a tad bit paranoid about weird stuff) and using me (for what?).

Well, Chris's boarding school plan didn't pan out that year.  He had to go on some family vacation and started school a month late at our school.  By then, David and I were already in luuuurve.  (David is the one I was writing about in the earlier entry today, just so you know.)

Chris couldn't understand it.  He'd thought we were going to pick back up where we left off.  He thought I should have waited for him.  After all, he said, the only reason he ever broke up with me was because he'd thought we weren't going to see each other for a year.  He'd never stopped liking me. 

I told him it was definitely over, he'd screwed things up, that David was The One for Me.  Regardless, Chris spent that entire school year trying to sabotage my relationship with David and "win" me back.  It was kind of a disaster.  There was fisticuffs between them on more than one occasion.  I don't know if there was anything I could have done to make him stop; I was never good at setting boundaries with guys.

So, at the end of sophomore year, Chris wrote this in my yearbook:

Dear Mindi,

Well, this has been a good year.  Well not really but oh well.  I'm glad we're getting out of here and going away to school together next year.  even though you don't want to go there.  I would miss you if you went somewhere else.  I mean, I would miss you alot.  Not a little.  Anyway... I probably should say Im sorry for all the mean things Ive said and done this year to you so that I can go to heaven, so. "Sorry, Mindi, will you forgive me?"

There, I said it.  Aren't you proud of me? You should be. 

I hope you have a good summer.  I know I won't.  I'm going to have to work the whole time, just so I can help pay for school.  I hope I see you during the summer.  You better go to church so I can.  If you don't I'll call you 5 times a day and bother you.  Ok?

By the way, I love your little picture over on the other page. You'd make a good cop, Mindi. Ha-ha.  Well, don't get any tattos or anything stupid like that, ok? 

I love you.

Chris

Just now, while I was still shaking my head over the fact that he actually wrote that when he knew that everyone, including my boyfriend could see it, I spotted tiny writing underneath his signature:

I hate that little shit, Chris.  Love, David

Oh, how I laughed.