Blog: Hitting rock bottom

In fiction, there usually comes a point in the story when the protagonist feels like s/he's lost everything. Structurally, it has to happen in order for the character to get a second wind and push forward to triumph and give us all a satisfying read.

As a writer, I'm learning that every book I write requires ME to hit rock bottom. At some point after I've been toiling for months on end, I'll realize that nothing in the story is going the way I want, that I've made a huge mistake deciding to write this book, that I shouldn't be a writer at all, that my life is meaningless without writing and my misery is endless, and what is the point of any of this anyway?

Usually, these thoughts are accompanied by feelings of complete and utter despair where I cry on the floor of my home office, cry in the shower, cry in the bathroom stalls at work, cry in bed, cry in the car.

Somehow, some way, I snap out of it. I finally figure out what was missing in the story before. I finally come up with constructive ways of fixing the problems. I push forward and get it done.

Last Sunday was when things got especially horrible for me with Live Through This. For three days, I suffered misery that, at the time, felt beyond compare. The title of the manuscript was a cruel joke because I was sure that I would NOT live through this. Now, it's Sunday again and I'm plugging along with a whole new outlook and renewed focus. The number of writing days that I have left before my deadline is now into single digits. I don't know exactly what I'm going to have ready when that day comes, but it'll be something. And, as they say, that's not nothing.

The only good thing about rock bottom is that you can hit it exactly once. At least, that's what I'm counting on.

Special shout-out to Kari at A Good Addiction for doing an emergency read and critique for me last week! You totally saved me. ♥

Blog: #YASaves and all that jazz.

For the past several days, there have been discussions, debates, and the whatnot all over these internets regarding an opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal about Young Adult novels being too dark. My favorite response, so far, happens to be on the NPR site and is called, "Seeing Teenagers As We Wish They Were: The Debate Over YA Fiction." If you want to find out more, searchTwitter for #YASaves and you will find a humungous collection of links to blogs and articles galore that have sprung up in response.

I've been reading many, many, many tweets and blogs about how YA has saved people in some way. I've already read opinions from a few authors that YA doesn't have to save to be legitimate. I find it all very interesting. No one is going to change my mind that contemporary YA isn't important or that the "dark" stuff shouldn't be written about, so I don't know why I keep devouring all this stuff. It's good to be informed (I guess?), and it's uplifting to see so many people rallying around this category of books that I love and that I also happen to write.

All the discussions got me thinking about the books I read as a teen and whether I could pin-point a dark YA novel that "saved" me. Oddly, the "edgiest" teen novel that comes to mind that I actually read as a teen is called Four on the Edge. It's a Christian-published novel by Heidi Borrink about four teens who all get up to No Good during the course of the book as they "reveal their thoughts and make choices about drugs, sex, abortion, and God."(And there are nine copies on Amazon for $0.01 cent each! You know you want one!)

This book. You guys! Oh, man. So shenanigans go on like crazy, right? It's scary that both of the girls' stories are basically about deciding whether or not to have sex and the boys' stories (these two girls' love interests) are all about coping with Pressure and Society by smoking and drinking and getting stoned.

Anyway, one of the girls gets pregnant (spoiler! It's the studious girl who is the football player's little sister who has sex ONE TIME with the stoner who also happens to be the football player's friend whom the football player's cheerleader girlfriend can't stand) and the way it all plays out makes adult me feel just TERRIBLE, particularly since the girls are punished and the boys kind of . . . aren't and it ends on the strangest note from the point of view of the stoner and I can't even.

This book was pretty racy for me at age thirteen. It's strange to realize that because I didn't even read a great many teen novels as a teen. (For reals!) I was all about stuff like Victoria Holt, Maeve Binchy, Rosamunde Pilcher, Danielle Steele, and John Grisham.

I think the fact that Four on the Edge was a book was all about teens with upbringing similar to mine made it uncomfortably . . . real. I didn't seek out many more books like it. Not because it was too dark for me to handle (please), but because I really did want to read about grown-up romances instead of "kid stuff." (I don't know why. I really don't.)

I wouldn't say that the book saved me, necessarily. But you know what it did do? It made me think. It made me put myself into each of the character's points of view and ponder what I would do in their situation. And as I got older, I did find myself in each of their situations, eventually. Sometimes, often, I was able to make smarter, better choices than they'd made. Not because of the book's preaching--because I didn't buy into most of it, even then--but because I'd seen how these scenarios had played out, I'd considered the consequences, and I'd decided what I wanted to do differently and how to go about it.

So thank you, Sonia, for losing your virginity at fifteen without considering at the time whether contraceptives should be used. You were a character with whom I could really identify, and I never wanted to make your mistakes. And thank you, Holly, for driving your boyfriend away with your shrill piousness, because damn girl, I really didn't want to grow up to be like you.

Knowledge is power, y'all.

(Side note: You know what I think really did save me in some ways? Seventeen and YM magazines. Sure, they had tons of shallow stuff about self tanner and clothes and such (which I loved to read!), but they also taught me about self esteem, boys, and especially what is NOT okay in relationships. I really credit those magazines for writing about things that I needed to read about in a style that made me want to keep reading and learning.)

Blog: I made all the crafts this weekend!

I have long, fine hair. It falls well beyond my waist these days. It's my own fault, of course, that my hair is so crazy-long, but I continue to not cut it because I don't know what I want it to be like. Living in Western Washington, I can curl and wear my hair down only occasionally because of the rain and wind, and as it happens, pulling my hair back in a ponytail isn't always the most flattering look.

A while back, I decided to make hair accessories be a thing in my life. I wore lots of hats in the fall/early winter, and lately two looks that I've become a huge fan of are The Messy Side Braid, and also Fake Flowers Stuck in My Hair. Sometimes, I combine these looks.

Recently, I trekked out to the mail in search of all new flowers for my hair and came home instead with two new headbands a.k.a Fascinators. They were cool and all (and I swear, a man gave up his seat on the bus for me because he was so enchanted), but not what I had set out to find.

And so! (spoiler: this is where the crafts come in!), I went to the craft store and bought several bunches of fake flowers, a few different hair fastener concepts, and a hot glue gun. This weekend, my sister and I spread everything out on table and combined those flowers, fasteners, and hot glue to create all this loveliness:

What we have here are flowers of different sizes and types on hair pins, clips in various sizes and styles, and elastics. Three hours of tedious work gave us both lots of new flowery hair accessories to wear this summer. Hooray!

(Did I mention that I'm not really, totally the crafty sort? If the mall hadn't let me down with their non-having-of-awesome-flowery-hair-decorations, I would have wanted to take this project on. Thanks a lot, The Mall! But, why complain? Because these are all totally custom and as long as they don't fall apart the first time we wear them, they are going to be GREAT!)

Oh, and I almost forgot. Here are a few pics of Lindsey, Ella, and me modeling some of our favorite pieces from our exclusive collection:

       

Did you enjoy Freefall? Please check out this very special item up for auction!

Hey everyone,

I've donated a VERY SPECIAL item to help benefit tornado disaster relief in Alabama! This is one for All 4 Alabama and the proceeds of the auction will go to helping some of the smaller communities devastated by the April storms. 

Now, whenever I've contributed items for auctions or contests in the past, I've opted for a signed copy of Freefall for the winners. (Although, in December, I also knitted Harry Potter-inspired scarves.) This time, I decided to do something different.
 
Okay, it's still a signed and personalized copy of Freefall, but this time it is SUPER-PERSONAL and totally one of a kind!
 
I am going through a copy of the book and writing notes on EVERY SINGLE PAGE. I'm revealing everything I can think of to reveal to you about the inspiration for scenes, the stories behind the characters, things that changed from first draft to finished book, quotes and occurances that came from my real life, and much, much, much, much more!

I've already put four hours into this project and I'm only on page 90!  Yes, I have a lot to go, but I'm having so much fun doing it. So, I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that someone out there who might like me, but who really likes Freefall, will be interested in bidding on this book! :-)

Here's a sneak peak of a somewhat scandalous selection with behind-the-scenes info scribbled in by me:

 

So that's the stuff! If you are interested in bidding (and I really hope you are!), please go here! Thank you so much! ♥

Blog: Note to self: USE YOUR INHALERS.

Taku, a character in Freefall, doesn't like to use his inhaler. The reason he doesn't like to use it (and the reason he has it at all) is because I don't like to use one of my inhalers. It isn't out of stubbornness for the sake of it, I don't think. The way my hands shake and the powerful drowsiness that sometimes comes over me right after I use it (even with a spacer) are really off-putting side effects.

Most of the time, I technically don't need it. But there are times--like when I get a cold--that it is essential. I was reminded of this fact yesterday when I went to the doctor to find out why I wasn't responding to any brand of cough medicine, why I was getting worse and worse every day instead of better. She asked, "Are you using your inhalers?"

*forehead slap*

No. No, I wasn't. I haven't used them for months because I felt fine. And, I don't know, somehow I forgot that I need them. How that happened when I have them on my bathroom counter all the time to remind me, I don't know. But I need to remember this in the future. 

MINDI: YOU HAVE INHALERS FOR A REASON. USE THEM!!!

Okay. I hope this will help. Because I am so exhausted and worn down and I don't want to have another week like this one if I can help it. *Sigh*