What is Seth's problem?

Look, I'm still freaking out!  This one is more super-locked, though, just so you know.

There is something that has nagged at me forever and ever about my book:  Seth's friend Isaac was a piece of shit.  He treated Kendall horribly, he was selfish and reckless and stupid, and the truth is, other than the fact that Seth does care that Isaac's dead, there doesn't seem to be any evidence in the story that he should care.

Why doesn't Seth see Isaac's flaws?  Daniel saw them. Daniel couldn't stand Isaac.  Vicki Lancaster saw them.  Pretty much everyone saw them.  Even Kendall, who took Isaac back again and again, was able to see them in her own way.

I'm trying to figure out what Seth even liked about Isaac.  He was fun, I guess.  He was a decent guitar player.  He was always up for partying.  But why would Seth be so blind to the rest and constantly defend Isaac?  Why would Seth assume that everything was someone other than Isaac's fault?  Why is he always so surprised when he finds out some awful thing Isaac did to someone?   Seth does have a tendency to see what he wants to see, but why does he want to see Isaac as the good guy.  Would this be something that happens when a person feels guilty after someone dies?  In their mind, they turn the other person into someone who was a much better person than he really was?

Or am I not being fair to Isaac in only thinking about the bad things he did?  Maybe I need to think of some really good reasons why Seth and Kendall care about Isaac.

This is really bothering me.  I feel like I used to know the answers, but now I don't.

FREEFALL on goodreads.

I emailed something (a new scene) to someone (my agent) this morning.  In an effort to stop myself from refreshing my email for the rest of the day, I'm, you know, doing other stuff.  Like reading my LJ f-list.

My LJ f-list tells me that 2011 YA releases, GIMME FEVER by Cyn Balog akacyn2write and SHATTERED by Amanda Grace aka Mandy Hubbard aka are now on goodreads! 

And that reminded me that I should let y'all know that last month, some kind, wonderful, anonymous person added my book to goodreads here.  So, if you're into that sort of thing and want to add it to your list, too, I would love it. 

Thank you!  :-)

Revision Hell.

I'm staying home from work for most of the day today to see if I can get these scenes in order.  My deadline for these revisions isn't until "the beginning of December," but I want to see if I can get these certain pages to Liesa ASAP.  If she hates what I'm doing, I'll have to start over completely.  If that happens, I don't even know where I'll go with it.

I'm freaking out about this.  In one new scene, Seth does a bad thing.  A bad thing that is absolutely his fault and not merely the result of some kind of misunderstanding.  It brings a new meaning to rock bottom for him. 

I feel like it's been building up to this for the whole story, but I haven't been willing to write it.  Even yesterday, Dwayne read the scenes and said I was holding back.  "Why are you letting him off the hook?  Don't let him lie to himself about what he did!   He needs to get a clear picture of what he's doing so that he can make the changes and realizations that he needs to make."

Well, yeah.  But ack.

I am just  so worried that readers who have been on his side all the way up to this point will start hating him, and that I'm making my female characters look weak for being willing to forgive him.  And, of course, I'm terrified that Liesa won't like this new direction and will want me to come up with something new.  I don't have a lot of time for something new.

Another revision update.

Even though I expect Kendall to appear in two more scenes, with what I did today, her arc feels very close to complete.  And satisfying.  Yes!  Too bad I can't say the same thing for Our Hero...

Growing a writing garden.

More than three years ago--right before I started on the manuscript that would become FREEFALL--I lamented in this journal my inability to finish anything.  I kept starting projects, throwing myself into them, and then moving on to something else. 

(who posted under a different user name back then) didn't think I was wasting my time; she said I was "growing a writing garden."

Now, at the time, I didn't agree.  I didn't think anything would ever come from the abandoned projects.  (And the truth is, that might be the case even now.)

But this weird thing has been going on lately.  I don't know if it's because I'm revising and my brain is trying to sabotage me, or if this whole losing-my-health-insurance-need-to-sell-more-books! feeling is taking over, but I've been thinking a lot about some of my abandoned works and wanting very badly to get back to them. 

MEOW SISTERS - I first started this in late-spring of 2005.  I have worked on and abandoned this one on three different occasions, I think, for a total of over six months.  I've changed the set up too many times to count.  But RIGHT NOW, I feel like I finally have The Right Story for these characters.

BEFORE EIGHTEEN - This is what I'm currently calling that story that was once JAY, KAE & ELLE and was later 17 BY 17.  I started this in fall of 2008 was thinking about it this past summer.  Unfortunately, I still don't know exactly where I'd like to go with it--the "hook" part of the story actually complicates it for me--but I have lots of ideas.

LIVE THROUGH THIS - This is actually the project worked on during June and July.  I should finish it sometime.  I think it's a good story. 

FADED AS MY JEANS -   This was my first ever completed manuscript.  I queried it for a good portion of 2006 before putting it away for what I expected to be forever.  I've really been itching to get to work on this for the past few days.  I don't want to revise it, though; I want to completely rewrite it.  In fact, I don't even want to look at the old draft--not even that kissing scene I was so proud of back then.  I just want to use most of the characters and two elements from the original story and come up with all new stuff for the rest.  This story is still important to me and I'd love to get to do something cool with it.  Now that I'm a better writer, maybe I can do it justice this time.

So, yes, I have been growing a writing garden.  Now I just need to finish these revisions so I can get started on one of these!