Not according to plan.

Today hasn't been a great day. I printed and read my draft, which I was really hoping would be close to ready in June. Well, it isn't going to be ready. Despite having a beginning, middle, end, and over 54,000 words, it's just not coherent. There are good scenes - lots of them! - but it's not where it should be.

My cousin has REM's "Everybody Hurts" as the default song on her MySpace. I was innocently clicking along on pages, like you do. And then I heard the song. And listened to it the whole way through. And... well, I cried just about the whole way through it, too. Head on desk, shoulder-shaking sobs.

I guess I feel better now. I've resigned myself to working on THE FAKE MCCOY all summer long. My new goal as of right now will be September 1st. That will be one year to the month from when I first started it.

Now I'm just trying to decide whether to let the agent who was curious and asked to see it "when it's polished and ready" know not to expect it until this fall or whether I should just keep working on it and send it whenever it's finally ready. Will he appreciate that I'm thinking of him and keeping him in the loop? Or will I just seem unreliable if I keep bringing this much-delayed project to his attention?

Worry, worry.

I've spent too much time reading blogs of agents and writers lately and I'm starting to get depressed and anxious. Are the stakes high enough in my story? Is this truly a conflict or is it just a complication?

And on and on and on it goes.

I read an essay Sarah Dessen wrote about how in her writing process, she always has to get down to the lowest depths before she's able to climb back out and move forward and get the thing done.

I'm in that low place right now. I can hardly breathe.

Setting

When I'm reading, I am not a fan of long descriptions. In fact, I don't even read those parts in books. I just skim right along past to get to the parts that interest me. As a result, for the longest time, I refused to write descriptions. I didn't know how to do so with any kind of skill where there weren't long paragraphs devoted to color and texture and whatnot, so I'd leave out the description and setting altogether. I was happy with this arrangement, but readers would say my scenes had that "sitting in a white room" effect. And that isn't cool.

So, I'm being more mindful with this project. I'm working hard to keep the details simple, yet evocative. I'm trying to use a few well-chosen words weaved in seamlessly instead of long paragraphs that stand out. It's going well enough, I suppose.

But with this on-going effort, I'm noticing that Seth's goings-on take place at a variety of locations, many of which are only used once. I have: the yuppie bookstore, the old diner, the dive bar, the other dive bar, the storage unit/rehearsal space, the school gym, the river, the football field, Kendall's home. For some recurring locations I have the trailer park (and specifically, the trailer where Seth lives), the rich kid's rehearsal space, the golf course/country club, the hallway at school, the classroom, the pro-shop parking lot, the carwash.

I think having variety in settings is probably a good thing and keeps it interesting. But I'm finding that I am getting so weary of having to come up with quick and evocative descriptions for all these places. Sometimes I'm just like, Oh, jeez. Can't I just make them have this conversation at X location so I don't have to go through this again?

Lazy, I know.

Writing Quirks Meme - by memegirls

Copy the questions into your blog and answer them. Then tag five other writers to do the same!

1. Do you outline? I just started for this project. I love it!

2. Do you write straight through a book, or do you sometimes tackle the scenes out of order? I go in order as long as I can, then I start skipping around.

3. Do you prefer writing with a pen or using a computer? I use the computer most of the time. But I do take notes with a pen before writing a scene sometimes.

4. Do you prefer writing in first person or third? First person.

5. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, do you create a playlist, listen randomly, or pick a single song that fits the book? I do listen to music. Most of the time I'll grab a random CD that I feel like listening to and put it on repeat all day until I can't take it anymore. But sometimes I do choose a CD based on the mood of my character and/or what is happening in the scene I'm working on.

6. How do you come up with the perfect names for your characters? I don't really know! I make a list from A to Z down the side of a page and try to make sure not to reuse letters for first names. If I know that the letter "K" is available, for instance, I might try to choose a name for a character based on that. I'll look online at baby name listings and see what catches my eye. I also makes sure my names have variety. I don't want everyone to have two syllable names that end with "y"! I also like some of the names to be common and few to be unusual. I guess when I think about it, there's really a lot that goes into naming these characters. But I don't necessarily choose their names based on what is good for them. I choose based on how they will fit in with the names of all the other characters.

7. When you're writing, do you ever imagine your book as a television show or movie? Occasionally.

8. Have you ever had a character insist on doing something you really didn't want him/her to do? Not really.

9. Do you know how a book is going to end when you start it? I have an idea of how my main character will FEEL at the end. The events that get them to that feeling are ever-changing.

10. Where do you write? At my desk at home.

11. What do you do when you get writer's block? Mope!

12. What size increments do you write in (either in terms of wordcount, or as a percentage of the book as a whole)? I don't understand this question. I try to write a scene at a time with a goal of getting between 50 - 65K words total.

13. How many different drafts did you write for your last project? I don't know! Every scene was revised between four and seven times. I think the full manuscript was revised about four times.

14. Have you ever changed a character's name midway through a draft? Yes. I changed several characters names actually because I had failed to realize that four of them started with the letter "T"!

15. Do you let anyone read your book while you're working on it, or do you wait until you've completed a draft before letting someone else see it? I let a few people read scenes as soon as I finish them.

16. What do you do to celebrate when you finish a draft? Not enough! I need to really think of some good rewards this time.

17. One project at a time, or multiple projects at once? One at a time. I get too scattered.

18. Do your books grow or shrink in revision? Both, so that they end up staying almost the size they were!

19. Do you have any writing or critique partners? I have one online crit partner right now.

20. Do you prefer drafting or revising? I never would have believed this of myself, but REVISING! :-)

Polished?

Just now, it occured to me that I don't know what "polished" means to an agent. All this time I've assumed it meant revised, revised, revised until every scene is as perfect as I feel I can make it, critiqued by several thoughtful readers and revised again based on their comments, and then proofread, possibly line-edited, by someone who isn't me.

Is this what polished means?

I hope so. Because after reading my outline in October, an agent asked to see my full "when it's polished and ready." I was upfront from the start of the exchange saying it would be February before that was anywhere near happening. (HAHAHAHAHA. February.) I'm still over a month away from my idea of "polished and ready." But that's what he wants, right? Something that's ready to submit to editors, not something that still needs work. He'd rather wait longer for me to make it as good as I can rather than get it sooner based on some non-existent deadline.

That's what I keep hoping for at least.