It will still be a while before I'll need to put together my acknowledgments and dedication, but I've been thinking it over, making lists and such. I pretty much know what I want to do with the acknowledgments page, but the dedication is the part that I can't decide on. When I completed my first ever manuscript, I was going to dedicate it "In memory of" my dad. Because he died when I was four and that book was inspired by that. I could do that with FREEFALL, but I kind of ... don't want to. I'd rather keep it for the other book just in case I one day get it published. It fits better that way anyway. I didn't write FREEFALL for my dad; it was the other one.

I could dedicate this book to my mom. It's never a bad idea to dedicate a book to the person who raised you. And it would certainly mean a lot to her since she's still alive and will be able to see if for herself, you know? She always thought I should be an English teacher or a writer, so, you know, there you go. I think it's probably a big deal to have your kid get their book published and dedicate it to you, right?

Then there's my husband. This book never would have happened if not for his support. He would rather we were poor and that I was doing something that I love than have me all depressed and hating life working full time like I used to. He's given up a lot so that I can work part-time and write part-time. When my book sold, it was as exciting for him as it was for me. In a way, I think it was affirming. He kept believing it would happen, even when I didn't. And he was right.

And finally, there is my therapist. Now, I haven't even seen him for years. But there was a time in my life when I was going through some Stuff. And I was working through Old Stuff, too. For nine months, I had weekly 70-minute sessions with him. In our second session (I think it was), he asked me something like, what would my ideal life be ten years from now. I kind of rolled my eyes and laughed. "Well, obviously, I'd be a best-selling author, right?"

He was all serious. "Is that something you really would want?"

I got embarrassed and said, "Yeah."

And he was, like, "Okay. Did you notice how you answered my first question? I asked what you wanted in life and you laughed when you answered. That was a defense mechanism. You were gauging my reaction. If I laughed, too, you could pretend like you'd only meant it as a joke. But I think if you want to be a best-selling author you should go for it."

After that, part of my weekly "homework" often involved writing assignments. He said he was really impressed by some essays and stories I wrote for him. Most of his clients would scribble something on a half sheet of paper, but I'd turn in like these typed up 15-page things.

Anyway. My insurance coverage changed, we used up all our sessions, and I've seen him only once since then. We did exchange emails a couple of times over a year ago when I asked him for advice about how to handle Rosetta's phobia. He knows I'm writing and trying to get published. He doesn't know I've sold a book. I want to surprise him. I want him to have that tangible evidence in his hand to see what a difference he made in my life. To see that even though I'm not actually a best-selling author (and maybe I never will be), I wrote a book that got published by a major publisher, in part, because he encouraged me to go for it.

So, yeah. That's where I'm torn. Mom. Husband. Therapist. Obviously, all of them will be in the acknowledgments. But who I'll give that special dedication to in my first book, I'm just not sure.