Dearest Carnation, Today there was a going away party for Mr. M at Tara's house. There was alot of people there. It was pretty fun.
I tried to avoid Curt at first. I just couldn't face him. It was so hard for me to see him there. I just wanted to gather him into my arms and never let him go. I just can't believe that he's actually leaving me. I keep hoping that there's some way to make him stay with me. Maybe I should tie him up and keep him hidden in my garage so his parents can't find him. (Geez, that was sure a demented thing to write!)
I tried not to get depressed but I did and I got kind of sobby. Well, my eyes watered and I had about 2 tears leave my eyes. I think he's mad at me. Maybe I'm just being a selfish ho, not wanting him to go away. It just doesn't seem fair. I mean, I've liked other people, but never like this.
At the party, Mr. M kept trying to get Curt to kiss me. He didn't. Not that I wanted him to. That would have made it even worse. I know that I can't trust myself alone with him. I don't even want to imagine what I'd do. I did give him a hug goodbye, only because he asked me to. Then I didn't want to let go of him.
Carnation, please tell me why I have to love him so much and what I can do to stop it! I don't want to love him if I'm just going to hurt this much in the process. What am I going to do next year? I don't think I'll ever find anyone else. I'm sure he'll have no problem with that, though.
He says that he's going to write to me this summer. I hope so. This is just so unfair! I have to go before I have an emotional outpouring or something.
Love,
