December 4, 1992 (age 15)

Well, today was Friday. Quite uneventful. I took a history test today. I never read the chapters, listened to his lectures or studied, except for study hall right before the test. Me and Liz spent those 45 min. totally cramming. I think I got a B or so. Yesterday, Gwen got a one-day suspension. She was chasing two boys and they ran in the boyz room and she followed them. So the principal came in and they all got in trouble. Except she got suspended. I think that is so stupid. I can't believe he did that. What a jerk.

Liz told me that he's been taking our notes and reading them. She's seen some on his desk. God. I hate him. I hope he read a few about him. WHAT A NOSY JERK!

Tomorrow night, I am going to babysit for these people with 4 or 5 kids. I think she only wants me to watch one. I hope so anyways. The one I know of for sure is a baby girl. Hopefully everything will work out.

I guess it's time to mention my lover. I don't know what to do with him. He was in a bad mood today. I don't know why. Maybe he doesn't like me anymore. I'm just joking, but I do hope that if there is ever a time when he stops liking me that he won't string me along. I want him to tell me so we can get on with our lives.

I found out today that Dylan isn't the "goodest boy" in his family. His parents (according to Dylan) like his brothers better and he gets into trouble the most in that household. How sad. I always thought he was the favorite son.

December 2, 1992 (age 15)

Today was such an incredibly boring day. Liz was absent. I swear, she always gets out of school. I don't know what to do about Christmas presents this year. I really do want to buy like Dylan, Liz and my mom something, but I really wan't afford it. It will take up my whole paycheck. And I was saving up that money for clothes, a ski jacket, skip pants or whatever I decided on. I feel kind of guilty not buying them anything. What should I do?

I guess Dylan has been telling Mikey stuff about me. That we've french kissed and "did stuff in the rain." Whatever. I don't even want to know what they talk about.

Dylan really freaked me out today. I went into an empty classroom after school to see what time it was and he came behind me and closed the door. I don't know what horny thing he had in mind, but I quickly started a conversation and got out of that room!

December 1, 1992 (age 15)

Not a hell of a lot has happened since I last wrote. That's why I haven't written. Ar ar. I just wrote to tell you about the banquet. Dylan finally asked me. I guess his mom's gonna let him go. Kind of weird if you ask me ... but anyways. It's going to be on Wednesday, December 16, 1992 at the Olympia church fellowship hall. We are having the choir from Auburn sing there. Gag. I don't want to go, but I have to now. I am going to buy a new dress. I think it's gonna be red. It's really cool. I wonder what color of flower thing that I should buy for Dylan. Last year I bought Curt a red one so I want to get Dylan white or at least something different. I'm open to suggestions if you have any. Ha-Ha. Maybe I'll get Dylan a black flower thing. Black rose. Yeah, that would be cool. I'll have to see.

If I get a red dress, I wonder what color of shoes I'd have to wear. Would it be tacky to wear something other than red? I don't have any red shoes! What am I going to do?! I am getting nervous and this thing won't even be for 2 weeks. Auugggh!

I probably should go now. This has turned out to be a longer entry than I expected. I [heart] you. And I [heart] Dylan my honey too.

Love,

November 22, 1992 (age 15)

It was a dull, boring day. I can't stand weekends at home. We do practically nothing. We did go shopping today. That was pretty much dull. That's the way shopping is when you don't have any money to spend. It's so pathetic. I can't wait until my next paycheck. I have like $25. I NEED more. I am so mad right now. I don't know why, I'm just pissed.

Tomorrow the whole school is going to some symphony. It's going to be so boring. At least we'll be out of school. At my last school, if we ever went to any kind of symphony or play, they would make us write a report about it. Once, we went to a mall and we had to give this, in depth paper about it. Goodness. I hope we don't have to do that tomorrow.

I wonder if Dylan's mom is going to be one of the drivers to the place. I will not be amused at all if she is.

Liz called me today. She was very depressed. She couldn't tell me why on the phone, but I assume it concerns [some guy] and Lacey. She also said that [Girl1] is moving back to their town. That girl is weird. She's nice, but she's on drugs, she drinks, and she's kindof a tramp. I hope that moving back will do her some good. I'm not trying to be judgemental or hard on her, but she was pretty decent before she moved to Oklahoma. Maybe she just started hanging out with the wrong people.

Yesterday, we went to church in Tacoma. I couldn't believe it! [Boy1] was there for the first time since July! We got to know each other real well in Idaho last summer and we almost went out, but he was a real jerk. Now his hair is so long and ugly. I could not believe it when I saw him. None of us had heard from him after the trip to Idaho. Goodness.

[Boy2] was so horny at church. He kept looking me over and making little comments and hugging me and stuff. I was becoming quite unamused. And [Girl2]! Man, she was bouncing off the wall. Her mouth was going a mile a minute. I couldn't believe her. I think that I'm going to go to California for a week with these people. It would be so much fun for us all to get together again, except that this time, [Girl3] will be there. I can't stand that woman. All she talks about is sex and she's really bitchy to me. I don't know what it would be like. [Girl2] and her are like best friends so I would just be in the way most of the time. That's the only reason why I might not go. That sounds very immature, I know, but I need to have someone to hang out with or else I'll feel lonely and out of place. I will have to think about this.

I'm kind of upset with Dylan right now. If he was going to "do something" to me on Friday then I am very disappointed in him. If he's the one acting like this, why does his mother hate me so much? I swear. She needs to place blame where it belongs. I have not been trying to seduce her son, but apparently that's what he's thinking about. That's not fair at all.

I am not going to be mean to Dylan tomorrow though. I will act civil. After all, it's not his fault that he has hormones or that he has that woman for his mother. Poor guy.

Speaking of mothers, me and my mom got in a few arguments today. She is really starting to bug me. So is my sister.

Bye now. Love ya!

November 20, 1992 (age 15)

Well, Thank God it's Friday! This means that I won't see my honey-man for a few days. You know how that goes. Hopefully on Monday he won't still be in one of his shitty moods like he was in today. My word! I hate it when he acts like a jerk. He just gets in these moods and I refuse to put up with it. If I'm mad for some reason, I'll complain for a few minutes about what's bugging me, and then I'm over it and ready to move onto something pleasant. He acts like a jerk when he's upset. If I ask him what's wrong, he always snaps at me and I have to practically beat it out of him before he'll tell me what's up.

I was mad at him this morning. I don't remember why. We avoided eachother all day, and by the end of the day, we both got over our problems.

I just called Renee and stuff. She is going to call me back because she's eating dinner. I don't think Mikey likes me much. He didn't seem amused to talk to me when I called.

Right now, my goldfish bowl is so dirty. Poor little fish.

I heard from someone that Jonathan kissed Gwen today. I can't believe it. They don't even know each other or anything about eachother. They have been going together for only one day. I cannot believe this. Liz thinks that they only want eachother for sex. That's terrible.

Anyways, I sometimes think that mine and Dylan's "little fling" is kindof stupid. We don't seem to have any kind of a reason to be together. We have no purpose for this. We have no reason to break up (except maybe boredome) but we have no reason to stay together. If we broke up, I'd miss him, but I'm not sure what I'd miss.

Renee just called me back. We talked for about 15 minutes or so. She said that Dylan is mad at her because she came in the room when we were alone together. Appareantly he was going to put "the moves" on me. Whatever. He WAS acting weird, but I didn't think anything of it. Oh well. She also said that the principal's daughter doesn't believe that me and Dylan weren't doing anything when we were out in the rain that day. I guess that the principal doesn't believe me either. Oh well.

Gotta go! Love ya!

November 19, 1992 (age 15)

Today was pretty dull. I don't know, everyday is dull to me, but nothing really happened with me, specifically today. Oh, Nellie! I think that war is going to break loose tomorrow. It's a long, complicated story. But Jonathan liked both Gwen and Tori, and both of them liked him. He told Liz and I that he liked Tori, and was considering asking her out. He said that he would never go out with Gwen "because she's only in 7th grade." So guess what he did today!? He asked Gwen out! He is such a liar.

Anyway, Tori feels really low because he had said that he liked her. Mikey, also feels really bad. I guess because even though HE dumped her, he still feels like Gwen is his personal property. This is my opinion, but I think that yes, Gwen does like Jonathan but she's going out with him to make Mikey and Tori both feel low. Anyhow. I have definately wasted enough time on this topic.

It is now time to discuss my lover. I really love him to pieces. I have to tell you that somehow, I am still in shock from that kiss. It's so weird how excited I am about this. I guess it's because it was long anticipated. Now I want it to happen again. (Will I ever be satisfied with my life? I doubt it. I always seem to have some dilemma or something that I want.)

I'm kindof paranoid that he regrets that it ever happened. I feel so close to him. Like we have a special bond or something. (This is really gross. I can't believe I'm saying this.) One thing I love about him is that he doesn't stink. He always smells like hair product and/or fabric softener. It's kind of cute.

Today, Dylan's brother told some kid in his class that Dylan told him that he actually likes Michelle and not me. He, of course, denies it. I really don't know if it would be true. I'm sure he must like me, right? We will have to discuss this further at some other time. Like, tomorrow for instance. I need to find out if his brother is lying or if Dylan has some secret obsession with Miss Michelle.

Well, gotta go. I love you. And I love Dylan. And Liz too.

November 18, 1992 (age 15)

I feel different. How is it that a simple little kiss can change a person like this? I feel so serious. Non-airhead like. All of that flirting with him just seems so pointless now. I don't understand. I never thought that after we kissed that I'd be afraid of him, but I am. Why? Am I just a tease? I really wanted him to kiss me. I was so impatient. I do want it to happen again and again, but I'm so scared.

I pretty much stayed away from him today. We were together, but we were still apart. Do you understand? I feel kind of uncomfortable around him. I wonder if he feels the same. Probably not. It's just, every time I think about it, I have this panicky feeling go through me. Why is this?

Good God. This is so ridiculous. I mean, I don't regret it at all. I just am so confused.

By the way, he didn't get in trouble. His mom just came home and yelled at him. She said if he ever did that again he would get grounded, have to quit his job, and not be able to go on the ski trip. This is why I really doubt he'll be staying too incredibly late after school again.

Oh well. What should I do? Should I try to act like nothing happened? Or should I make sure that it happens again and again until I'm used to it and don't feel this way? Really. I don't think I can discuss this with him. It was my idea after all. I just want him so bad, yet I don't want him.

Maybe the reason I'm so scared is that I never thought it actually would happen. But I KNEW it would happen sooner or later. I'm am acting like a jerk.

Yesterday, Liz told me that her and Lacey are transfering to public school. She said that their last day is going to be November 30. I, of course, was stupid enough to believe her. I always am. This is the third fricken time that she's tricked me some way. Auugggh. Lacey is the one who told me today that it isn't true.

Back to my unpleasant topic. I really shouldn't dwell on it. It gets boring reading myself complaining all the time. And cussing. That is so rude. I really need to cut that out.

Okay, if I still feel this way tomorrow, I am going to have a chat with him, hopefully that will help. Hopefully, though, that won't be nessisary. I really do love him. I don't know why I'm acting like this.

November 17, 1992 (age 15)

Well, today was definately what you'd describe as "Quite a day." Yup. This was a day of immense strangeness.  I have some wonderful news for you, and I have some terrible news for you. I think I'll just describe my whole day from start to finish. The day started out bad because our ride never got the message that she was supposed to pick us up to bring us to school in the morning. My mom was already gone, so we had to have Aunt Helen do it. We were like 2 hours late getting to school.

When we finally arrived, Band was the first class. I played my snare drum as usual. I had Keeler with me, of course. I guess that Dylan's back in Band now. I don't know if he's playing anything though. Today he just sat there.

I went to all of my classes as usual. Not much excitement there. Dylan watched Keeler while I was in P.E.

After school was out, Dylan and I started vacuuming right away. We worked for like an hour and a half. At about 20 minutes 'til five, his mom called the office and had them tell Dylan to come home. He wouldn't leave for 15 minutes because it was raining. I swear, he is like afraid of the rain. Finally, Mr. S got mad and said that Dylan HAD to go home.

So I was going to walk him partway home but we stopped because I knew that I HAD to kiss him. He said that he wanted to, too. So, we were like standing there for ten minutes and we still couldn't do it. Then, we see these headlights and we jumped in the bushes. It was his mom! She had gotten so mad that she drove to school to get him! Well, we were just sitting there in the bushes while it poured down rain. We watched his mom stomp into the school.

And then - he did it. He kissed me. We are talking a full mouth/tongue kiss. I was like in shock as we sat there kissing. Then he said, "I love you" and he got up and ran home.

I slithered over to the steps and sat there in the rain. The principal came out and asked me where Dylan was. I said he'd gone home five minutes ago. I went in the school and Dylan's mom was just glaring at me. She thinks that we were making out or something worse out there. She started saying all this evil stuff about me to the principal right in front of me.

Okay. I confess. It was wrong of us to do that. We both knew that his mom wanted him to go home. He should have just gone. I know that he is like totally busted now. I feel so bad. I hope he isn't mad at me. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I really don't regret it. The only thing I honestly regret is that we got caught. By the way, I told them that we were talking on the steps the whole time. I wonder if they believe me. I'm just praying 2morrow I won't get called into Mr. S's office or something.

I haven't brushed my teeth yet and I don't want to ever again. I want to remember this for in case we never get a chance to do it again. I still have this weird taste in my mouth. I don't ever want it to go away.

He is such a good kisser. I have never been kissed before the way that Dylan kissed me today. I hope will all my heart that it will happen again. I get this weird feeling every time I think about it.

I hope he doesn't regret it. I will never, ever, ever, ever forget this. Never.

I should go now. So in answer to all those pages that I wrote back there, yes, he's a good kisser, and yes, it finally did happen.

November 16, 1992 (age 15)

I didn't have school today due to Teacher's Inservice day. I don't know what the means exactly, but I got stuck home alone with Lindsey and Keeler. My day was so dull. I finally made my kid a head. I got nylons the part where the top part is. You know, the waist band down to the thighs and cut them apart from the leg part. Then I stuffed it with cotton. Somehow I made it round. I don't know how. Trust me, it was a memorable experience. He has arms and legs too. He's an ugly little kid. I drew with markers brown hair, brown eyes, freckles and a round nose. His mouth is open so he can drink a bottle and suck his pacifier. He is really funny looking.

Right now, he is wearing a Winney the Pooh outfit. He also has a Big Bird outfit, and a sweatshirt and jeans. He'll wear the same green socks every day. I hope everyone doesn't laugh at how ugly he is. Poor, poor little Keeler.

I really don't know what to do about Dylan. We haven't kissed, but he told Mikey (and I quote), "I wish this school was smaller so I could take Mindi somewhere and do stuff with her."

That's what Mikey told me that he said. I about died when I heard that. Why does he act like he doesn't want me, but then he goes and tells people stuff like that? He's been telling people that he wants to kiss me. Why doesn't he just do it? It's just a small step and it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Really. And he is a boy.

Every time I ponder this, I get really hyper and keep wondering why? We have been together for, what? At least a month, right? So we should feel comfortable enough to just go for it. Adults will sleep together when they've been seeing each other for a month. And me and Dylan can't even kiss?

That's it! Tomorrow--unless we are fighting or he is absent--I am going to definiately kiss Dylan. I am. I will kiss him tomorrow. No if, ands, or buts. We will kiss.

Let's see. I need a punishment for if I don't do it. I will have to eat poop. Nah, that's a bit extreme and so not sanitary. Okay. I got it. I will have to smear toothpaste on my entire face and leave it on for the whole night if I don't kiss Dylan on the lips. Here's my signature! [signature] Just you wait until tomorrow!

Love,

November 13, 1992 (age 15)

Well, I didn't get my kid today. That is quite a disappointment. I am getting a male flour bag baby on Sunday, November 15, 1992. My Aunt Tracy is going to bring some baby clothes for him to wear and also a bottle and pacifier. I am going to have the cutest kid. I just don't know where I'm going to find a head. I don't have any male doll heads lying around and I can't think of anything else to use. I feel kind of weird that Keeler is going to be Dylan's kid too. Maybe this is kind of selfish, but I might want Keeler all to myself.

GOOD GOD! He's not even a real baby. What am I saying????

I asked Dylan today if he wanted to be the father of my child. He said yes. Not like he was bored or annoyed, but like he was excited. He doesn't like my baby's name. He says, "It's not that I don't like it, it's just different."

Duh. That's exactly what I was trying to accomplish.

Now I have a question for you. I know you can't answer, but . . . Why does everyone make such a big honkin' deal if you use someone else's toothbrush or chew ABC gum? I mean really. What's the big deal? It's just someone else's spit and spit isn't like a contaminated sustance or anything. It's just a liquid with enzymes that helps breaks down food in preparation for digestion. (Yes, I did take Biology.)

I don't see any problem with it. If you french kiss someone, you are getting the same effect, you're just getting it at its source when you kiss. I don't know. I have just been wondering. Dylan and Leslie have let me use their toothbrushes before and I've chewed and let other people chew my gum that's already been chewed.

Right now, my neck is killing me. I was head banging yesterday to a song by Metallica and ever since, my neck has been sore. Ouch! It hurts.

Yesterday, Mikey broke it off with his girlfriend--for good. No more of their little escapades in the closets, I guess. She left school early today because she was so sad.

Well, I gotta go. I didn't even mean to mention Mikey. It just happened.

Love,

November 12, 1992 (age 15)

This entry is going to be short because I am quite tired! I just wanted to tell you that I'm engaged. I proposed to Dylan and he accepted. By the way, we are having a kid tomorrow. Well, actually, I am. For ELS we are getting either egg babies or flour bag babies. We will have them for a week. I can't wait! Dylan isn't even in that class, but he said he'll marry me so that I won't have to be a single parent.  How sweet of him.

No we didn't kiss yet. Don't worry. It will happen.

If my baby is a boy, I am going to name him Keeler Fredrick. Isn't that a weird name? I think it is so cool. The girl will be either Jacqueline, Taylor, or Kirsten, I don't know. I want a boy though.

I have to tell you something now. In real life, I want a baby. It's something that I've thought about for a long time and I came to this conclusion. Of course, I'll have to wait until I'm married. I don't want to, but I know my mom will be very disappointed in me if I don't "learn from her mistakes."

Now I have to go to bed. Good night.

Love,

November 11, 1992 (age 15)

Today is Veteran's Day. I'm supposed to honor all of the veterans, but none of them is here right now. I also had the day off from school yesterday because of Parent-Teacher conferences. My mom didn't go to hers, so I'll never know what evil things Mr. S would have said about me. I swear, that guy is just about annoying. He is a creep. Speaking of creeps, Mister Dylan is really getting on my nerves. I haven't heard from him since Monday, but he's still annoying me. How? you ask. Well, he is haunting my dreams. I keep having dreams about us getting married, having kids. You know, that mushy kind of crap. I really don't like it. I doubt he has dreams about me.

I really don't know why we are together, truthfully. We have like nothing in common. Our personalities aren't anything alike. He's a moody person. I'm more cheerful, I guess. He gets bored so easy and he doesn't seem to care about anything, even me sometimes. It's depressing. He's just so weird.

I remember this summer, Mikey and some people were talking about how weird Dylan is. Of course, that was before I knew anything about him. All I knew was that he hardly talked, he got a boner once (ha ha!), he didn't like to smile, and he was going into 8th grade.

That's all. That's basically all that I know about him now. My knowledge of him has grown slightly, but not by very much. I now know that he doesn't like his parents, he once ran away from home when he was a little kid and all he packed was stuffed animals, he thinks his mother's a terrible cook, and his parents don't trust him. That's about it.  How did I get him?

Love,

November 9, 1992 (age 15)

I was proud to discover that I just gained back a week of my life. I thought that yesterday was the 15th, but it was only the 8th. What a relief. My honey wrote me a note today. He says that he wants to kiss me, but he's too shy. He says he wants me to kiss him instead. I don't think that's fair at all! I think he should kiss me now that we've established that we both want to kiss.

Please try to forget all the weird stuff I said yesterday. I was being crazy. Ha-Ha.

So, this is all out in the open. I want us to kiss, he wants us to kiss. It just doesn't seem very romantic this way. I know, I know. I'm a whiner. Before I didn't want to kiss him because I didn't know if he wanted to. Now I don't because I know he does and it completely ruins the MOOD for me. Haha.

Today I found out what grades I'm getting for the quarter. English C, Geometry C, NW History B-, Bible B+, P.E. A, CSI is either an A or B. ELS, I still don't know. I don't think that's TOO bad of grades. The Iowa tests came back and said that I tested at the level of someone in their third year of college. I'm only in tenth grade, so I think that's awesome. Now I have the head about the size of Seattle, no problem. Mr. S says that I should be getting straight As in school. Guess I need to try harder, huh?

Today, Mikey said something about me knowing how big Dylan's "stick" is. Dylan say that no, I don't, and I'm never going to find out. Why does he do that? Does he think I'm repulsive and will never meet his stick? Ha-ha.

Gotta go!

Love ya,

Love,

November 8, 1992 (age 15)

I can't believe it's already November! I feel like this school year is slipping away from me. I'm getting really scared. I don't want it to end. I wish I could just keep everything on standby. I have two reasons for wanting this year to last forever. 1) I have to go to (gag) Auburn next year and 2) I'll never see Dylan again.

This may sound a tad extreme, but think about it--I'll be moving in June to another town that's nearly an hour away. I'll be attending AAA while he'll still be here. My days will be long and I won't have time to drive to Olympia to visit him. And even I did have time, his mother would never allow it. Then, the following year when I'll be a senior, he'll still be in Olympia. By the time he gets to Auburn, I'll be in college! This is definately hell! Anyways, now you know.

Right now, I want him so bad. This terrible news, because I think that if we had the opportunity, I would be willing to go all the way with him. That scares me. Part of me is wishing so much that we get that chance, but an even bigger part of me tells me that I should try my hardest to make sure we don't.

This is why I feel that I can't even kiss him. One little kiss could be the end for me. What if I couldn't control myself and we end up making out or worse? I know it's possible. Michelle and her first boyfriend kissed for the first time and then almost went all the way!

The truth is, I want that to happen to us. I want us to do all those things and I want us to have sex. I really do. I love him so much and I lust over him alot. I think about this alot and what it would be like if we ever did do it. How can I want another person so much?

You probably think I'm the horniest person that you've ever heard of and I'm sorry if I'm giving you that impression. I just can't help it when it comes to Dylan. He's just so sweet. He just seems so innocent and inexperienced and it attracts me to him even more. I get these demented thoughts sometimes about us getting married and having a kid. I really frighten myself when I think about this.

I'm sure that Dylan does NOT go home and think these kinds of thoughts about me. Just thinking about him right now is making me melt. I just love him so much!

Well, I guess I should tell you about my weekend. I went to Portland, saw, did, had a blast. (I still hate that phrase.) Yeah. That was my weekend. I went to Mignonne's house and we went to this stupid thing at her school. I swear that place is just about too stuck up for me.

I still haven't solved my problem with wanting Dylan like I do, have I? Dammit! I wish I could. I need help. I really, really need help.

Love ya! Love him!

Love,

November 3, 1992 (age 15)

Just about a ton of stuff has happened since I last wrote in here. I will just start at the beginning. On Thursday, I wrote about Dylan's mom and her quest for (in)justice. On Friday, Dylan went home for lunch as usual, and I guess they got in a fight about the whole situation. I'm not sure exactly what happened. He said that his mom denied ever saying that we couldn't talk anymore. She really said that we couldn't talk on the phone anymore. He told me that that's bullcrap though. He said that she specifically said - NO TALKING AT ALL.

Anyway, I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I've decided that I don't care what she thinks. The terrible thing (for HER) is that what she did brought Dylan and I alot closer now. I'm not afraid of him anymore. I'm not afraid to touch him or hold him or punch him. (Still afraid to kiss him!) I feel like I can tell him stuff now.

I guess it's just because I thought I was going to lose him and when I realized that I'm not, I reached out and grabbed him back. I really do love him. I know that I've said that before about other people and I later realized that it was just a crush, but this time I think it's for real.

I want him so bad. I've told him that I love him and he said that he does too. I feel that we are going to last for a long time this time. At least, I hope so. He is such a sweetheart.

I should go. I have nothing more to say. Except that I LOVE DYLAN.

Love,

P.S. Maybe I'll write about Halloween some other time, okay?'

October 29, 1992 (age 15)

At this moment in time, I am very upset. I think I am going to kill someone. (Not really.) I think that that person will be Mrs. [string of the most vulgar cuss words ever] [+Dylan's last name]. I hate that woman so much. I want to [violent description laced with more vulgarity]. She is a [string of all new vulgar cuss words].

I  HATE HER.

Sorry about wasting a page there, but I am pissed. If she were here, I would [do two extremely graphic and violent descriptions of revenge].

***

Okay, it's been about an hour now. I have calmed down considerably. I don't want to do those evil things to Dylan's mom now.

I know she is only doing this for Dylan's own good--to make sure he doesn't have a kid while he still is one. She is doing it for the right reasons, but she is going about it all wrong. I think she just needs to sit down and actually talk to Dylan. Then she would realize he isn't some scummy guy who would make these huge, stupid mistakes like she thinks he would. He's a good guy. He's the best kind of person.

But she obviously isn't going to give him a chance. That's what I'm still mad about. Of course, I'm also pissed about her treating me like a piece of crap.

Oops. I just realized that I never told you what she did. That might be handy.

Well, she went and had a chat with Dylan's homeroom teacher and told her to make sure that Dylan and I don't talk to each other anymore. Not at all. After school, during breaks, during lunch. None of that. I still don't know if [Teacher] will make sure to enforce that, but that isn't the point. How could she even ask for that in the first place? I mean, who does she think she is?

If she keeps  this crap up, Dylan is just going to start sneaking around. That's the saddest thing. When parents are too strict, the kids are just going to do the stuff that their parents are against to get back at them. If parents would set just SOME restrictions instead of being in their faces all the time, the kids would be less apt to find the need to do that stuff. Anyway, that's my opinion. It obviously isn't hers.

I think it's time I got on a more pleasant topic. Tomorrow I'm going to Liz and Lacey's. I'll be staying for Halloween and stuff. I'm not sure what exactly we're going to do. I know I'll be meeting Lacey's new boyfriend and bunch of other people that are friends of theirs at the public high school. We are also going to a fall festival or something.

It's about time for me to close, but I want to say that I really do love Dylan. That's why it hurts so much that his mother keeps trying to break us up. I'm never going to get that kiss now. How depressing. But it's all going to be over soon, I assume.

Love,

October 28, 1992 (age 15)

Today was pretty dull, as are most of my days at this school. Dylan was there, as usual. I don't know what to do with him. He's been kindof a dud lately. I don't know what he wants from me. He says he loves me, but we never do anything. We talk, but not about anything deep. Just about like, what someone else said or did that was stupid or funny.

Our relationship is just kind of surface. It's not physical either, so I don't know what to think. Are we just using eachother for status or what?

I beat him up today. He made a rude comment about the cake I made and I started pounding on him. He said his arm still hurt at the end of the day, and I hit him at noon. He thought it was funny though, just because I'm so much smaller than him.

I don't think we are ever going to "lock lips." He just doesn't seem interested.

Tomorrow or the day after (I forgot which), we are doing our commercials for ELS. Me, Liz, and two other girls are doing ours about deoderant. It's pretty funny.

I have nothing left to say, except that I wish THE KISSING would happen soon. HA-HA.

Love ya,

October 26, 1992 (age 15)

Today was an interesting day, in a way, but it was also kind of dull. We had band today. Usually, it's on Tuesdays, but today we switched it for some reason. Me and Dylan still have not kissed. It might have even happened today if not for Mikey. He had to butt his nose in, as usual, and start asking his 20 questions--have you guys held hands, kissed, etc. That meant I couldn't kiss Dylan today because then he'd think I was just trying to impress Mikey. I could definately see him getting mad about that. I mean, I would be if he seemed to have no interest in kissing me, but only did because of Mikey.  Of course, I have been wanting to kiss him for longer than that, but Dylan wouldn't know that.

Today, for a change, I (we) had so many opportunities. It was weird. I guess everyone wanted to leave us alone today. Thanks a lot! On a day that we can't kiss! Maybe tomorrow. Damn. Ya know, I have spent so much time worrying about this, he had better be a good kisser.

If someone were to ask me if he's cute, I don't know what I'd say. His hair has a reddish tint in it. His eyes are so brown they're almost black. He has light freckles on his nose. He's tall and very skinny. Well not, too skinny, but very skinny.

I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH DYLAN! It just looks like I am!

I've noticed with him that the second he starts to get super affectionate with me, I back off. But when he stops, I feel more comfortable with him and therefore I hug him and stuff on my own without feeling weird. I wonder how he feels about this. It makes me feel kind of guilty because I'm the one who gets to call all the shots.

I think he was attempting to murder me today. He put his hands on my throat. I got mad and did it to him. Then he did it again later in the day. I don't know why he is doing that. It's scary. Auuggh.

Love,

October 25, 1992 (age 15)

It took all of today to finally cool down after the crap that Dylan's parents pulled yesterday. I am finally over it. I am going to forget about it from now and forever. I am going to forget until I'm on my deathbed. Then, and only then, will I remember this. But anyways, I really am over it. I feel kindof bad about the way I treated Dylan yesterday. I guess I'll just have to talk to him tomorrow to get this all figured out. He must be really pissed at me because he always, without fail, calls me on Sunday mornings between 9 and 11. Today he didn't call me once the whole day.

Hopefully our relationship doesn't have to end because of his parents.

Today was my Great Aunt Helen's 70th birthday. It was pretty fun even though the house was about as hot as a sauna.

I really miss my Uncle Arin. He just moved to Portland a few weeks ago, but I miss him.

Love,

October 24, 1992 (age 15)

Well, today we went to the Lacey church. Dylan was there, just like I knew he would be. Unfortunately, so were his parents. For the church service, Dylan sat by me and my family. Right after announcements, his mom came over and said, "Dylan, I think you need to sit with our family."

Since when does she care where he sits? Since he was sitting with me! I can't stand her. I'm so sick of this. What did they think we were going to do during church anyways?

I guess I was kind of mean to Dylan after that. I shouldn't have been. I mean, it wasn't his fault. I was just so mad.  Even my mom thinks his parents are bazaar.

I really don't want to break up with Dylan because of his parents, but they are too much for me to handle!

Love,