Addiction.

Once upon a time I wanted to write a novel about a kid who was a big-time stoner who just... decided to quit. Of course, a story about someone who just decides to do something for no reason is not very interesting, so I gave him reasons. Good, legitimate reasons. Then, for his arc, things needed to be piling up on him so that he would end up going back to the weed before getting his head on straight again or whatever. (No, it wasn't very well thought out. I didn't get far into the process before I changed it...)

One of the big climax scenes was going to include him getting all super-duper stoned and spending two hours lying on the floor, pondering the meaning of every fiber in the carpet. Fantastic! Except... um... what's interesting about reading about someone staring at carpet? How can this be a climax?

Rethinking was required. Instead of just being a big old stoner then, I thought he probably likes to drink a lot, too. A climax that includes getting wasted, drunk dialing an ex-girlfriend, driving(!) somewhere, starting a fight, and getting totally beat down is probably a little more interesting, I think.

And somehow, somewhere along the way, this turned into a story about addiction. I've known lots of addicts, so I'm drawing from my experience with them. I'm reading online about detox and cravings and on and on and on. I'm doing my best to keep it real, yo. But sometimes I'm finding it to be such a burden.

When my instructor says, "The line about him having an intense need to have a drink seems off to me" I spend the next hour trying to figure out what she means. If he's only been sober for three days, isn't he going to have cravings? Am I out of my mind here?

I write up a big old thing about triggers and ask whether she is objecting to the timing of the scene, etc. And then, after all that stress, I find out that what she really meant is simply that "intense need" sounds out of character while "God, I want a beer" is more spot on.

I'm telling you, this book will be the death of me.

Character overhaul

It's very interesting to read through old drafts and see how some of the characters have changed. For instance, I have a guy named Mikey in the story who started out as a pretty major character, but who is gradually becoming less important as I fiddle around with my subplots. If I needed someone to make dirty jokes, made fun of people, and laugh all the time, Mikey would show up in the scene. Obnoxious, that was Mikey.

Now that Daniel isn't dead anymore, most of that stuff is going to him. And Mikey? He's actually kind of a nice guy. One of the more balanced and mature of Seth's friends.

It's just bizarre to see how he's changed. Like I was reading a really old scene that said, "And I was still pissed off at Mikey..."

I was like, Weird. Why is Seth pissed at Mikey? Oh, yeah... Mikey slept with Seth's mom!

(Yeah, I dropped that whole friend sleeps with Mom subplot. It made things too complicated.)

Love scene.

Until today, the closest to a "love scene" I'd ever written was a fifteen-year-old girl's very detailed first kiss from my first manuscript. But, even though it doesn't happen until much, much later than the part of my story I'm supposed to be working on now, I came up with some ideas for how I want to handle my main character having sex. The pacing, style, and some of the phrasings started coming to me, so I decided to see if I could write it.

This isn't an on-screen sex scene, by the way. It's the leading up, fade to black.

So, I wrote it and then I had my husband read it, which was totally, TOTALLY nerve-wracking. He thinks it's good. Sexy, but not porny. Awkward, funny, and real. I hope he's right...

Whee!

Remember how I agonized after posting what I thought was finally the perfect first chapter, but I wasn't sure? Well, yay! The feedback from my classmates was great, one even went so far as to gush. And my instructor feedback was really, really positive, too. And remember how I was being a really big dork over making the eff word not show up in my draft until a very certain part? Well, that seems to have gone over well, too.

Love how 'even the fucking stars are brighter' on the Hill.

Yay!!!

Anyhow. I'm so pleased about this. Now I have to get back to work on my next set of pages.

Since I'm me, my worry this week is that I set the bar too high and everyone will be let down by my next pages which probably won't be as polished. Ah, well! I really am trying to let myself enjoy this moment.

Hypothetical Q.

If you saw a YA book with a non-pink cover called THE FAKE MCCOY and the writer's name was Chel Scott, would you assume that person was a man, a woman, or would you be uncertain?