Blog: First-Draft Hell

There are writers out there who love to create first drafts and who hate to revise their work.

I am not one of those writers.

I am the exact opposite of those writers.

The first draft of almost every scene that I write is painful to me*. It doesn't come out how I want it to. I read it back to myself and think, "Bleh. This is terrible. So terrible. I hate, hate, hate, hate this!"

So I rework it. And I rework it. And I rework it some more. Sometimes--most times--I work on a scene for about three days before I'm finally, truly happy with it. (Sadly, there have been some extremely frustrating scenes that have taken me up to three weeks before the hatred for my written words has ended.)  However long it takes, though, when I get to the point where I'm satisfied and happy, I move on to the next scene and begin the process again. It looks a lot like this:

Oh, how I hate this! ---> Hmmm. I guess I hate it less now ---> It's getting better ---> I think I'm on the right track ---> I'm in the groove for sure now ---> Almost ready to call it done? ---> Yes! I love it! I love this book! I love writing! Time to start my next new scene! This is going to be so great!--->  Oh, how I hate this. . .

(FYI: I'm not saying this is The Right Way to Write. In fact, I think there are a good many arguments why one should not revise one single scene for days on end. This process is probably very bad for me. But I do get super polished work out of it!)

So as you might know, I have a second novel contracted. As you might not know, the entire novel is not yet written. My agent sold the proposal based upon a twenty-page outline as well as the first 50 polished pages. My job now is write all of the remaining scenes in the outline and turn in a first draft by June 1st.

What does this mean? Well, I have to write a scene and quickly move on to the next. I can't spend three days (and certainly not three weeks) polishing because my editor doesn't want half of a super-polished manuscript.  She wants a full first draft.

It also means, that I am in First-Draft Hell right now. Writing a scene and moving on to the next does not bring me to the point where I experience joy in my work. Not ever. Everyone keeps reminding me that I have time. I will have the opportunity to go back to every single of these misery-making scenes and improve them. I know that this is true. I know that having an imperfect full draft is necessary so that my editor and I can make big-picture changes and get things rolling. I know that I CANNOT allow myself to revise until the full first draft is DONE.

According to my outline, I have ten scenes left. I am SO counting them down. Because when they are done, First Draft Hell will officially end and I will finally be able to revise. I have a feeling that I will cry with relief when I finally get to that point.

*There are exceptions. The scenes that other people expect to be hard to write where my narrators experience pain and misery usually come out close to perfect on the first draft. True story.

Blog: Freefall has been out for 6 months. So . . . FAQ time!

I tried to think of something fun I could do to mark the six-month anniversary of Freefall's release date. Last month, Denise Jaden (author of Losing Faith) did a really excellent post about her expectations before getting published, her realizations at the time of publication, and how she feels about everything now. I thought about stealing that idea for my own blog, but I discovered that my answers are almost identical. So if you want to know how I feel, you should read her post instead!

I've decided instead to answer some of the most frequent reader questions that have come up regarding Why the Author Made Certain Decisions in Telling Seth McCoy's Story. And I know, I know. Just like A.J. from Empire Records said, I don't need to explain my art to you. But I thought it might be fun for some for you if I did!

There are spoilers GALORE below. I made some of the text invisible so I wouldn't give away everything right out in the open. Highlight those blank-looking sections between the <<<<< and >>>>> to view the gaps. (It's kind of awkward, but I don't have the skills to set it up a better way.) Oh, and if you haven't read Freefall yet and are planning to do so, I suggest you hold off on reading further for now. Okay? Okay!

Frequently Asked Questions about Freefall by Mindi Scott

Question #1:  Why isn't there more about Isaac in this book? I mean, there's a whole paragraph about him on the back cover. Why didn't you start the story on the night he died?

Answer #1:  During the course of about six months, I wrote probably about fifteen or so different first chapters for this book. There were a couple of versions that did include Isaac. I didn't like them because <<<<<I felt that they made Seth and Isaac look like jerks. I mean, they were two drunk guys being obnoxious! I honestly feel that showing Isaac alive and in action would have decreased the  sympathy readers might have had for Seth and for Kendall because then they would have been able to see for themselves from the very start that Isaac wasn't Mr. Awesome. They might have gotten frustrated and wondered why Seth and Kendall didn't see that they were better off without Isaac around to drag them down.>>>>>

Question #2: Well, okay. Maybe you didn't need to start the book with him being alive. But couldn't you have at least included flashbacks?

Answer #2: Actually, I am not a huge fan of writing flashbacks. I've seen some authors use them really effectively and I've loved some books that have been set up with a definite pattern of scenes going back and forth between the past to present day. That isn't the style of book I wanted to write this time. Definitely someday, though!  And also? To me, who Isaac was isn't what this story is about at all. It's about who Seth is going to be without Isaac.

Question #3: Wow. You really don't have a good opinion of Isaac, do you?

Answer #3:  I'm not going to lie (even though I probably should); <<<<<Isaac is my least favorite character from the Freefall world. Which is weird, yes, since he doesn't appear in a single scene. I didn't always feel this way about him, but when I was working on my last round of revisions for my editor, I started having some serious Isaac-inspired frustration. I had a bit of a crisis over why I'd written a book where Seth and Kendall spend so much time grieving and feeling guilty over this guy. Was he really worth it? What did they see in him? It was Mandy Hubbard, actually, who'd critiqued the draft and reminded me of the loyalty angle. I then included a conversation with Seth and Kendall about Isaac's loyalty and fearlessness. They definitely needed to have that talk for themselves, but it was important for me to write because I needed those answers, too.>>>>>

Question #4: Why was it so easy for Seth to <<<<<quit drinking>>>>>?

Answer #4: I don't agree that it was easy. <<<<<He mentioned for several days the physical effects that quitting alcohol was having on his body. (Which were rough, but so was what was going on with him before with all the binging.) He also essentially gave up his friends, his band, his usual hangouts, and his chance to go on tour, in large part, so that he could stay away from alcohol. And when things got hard near the end, the first thing he did was go to the river and get wasted because he didn't want to cope with what he was feeling. So I wouldn't say that it was easy or that he FOR SURE has this licked even when the last page comes around, you know?

I will say, too, that when this manuscript originally sold, there actually was a bigger focus on Seth's sobriety. There were little lines here and there that showed how not drinking turned into something of a preoccupation for him. The reason I cut those parts is because my editor felt that with his upbringing and the way alcohol has been integrated into his life for his entire life that he wouldn't have the tools to think of it in those terms or to value sobriety in that way. It was a moral code that would have been alien to him and it didn't make sense that he would just come up with it on his own when he'd never been around anyone who would guide him toward that. I don't disagree with her and I don't regret making the changes. I totally believe that everything I wanted to show is there underneath it all even though Seth isn't overtly focusing on "staying sober" and "not failing."  >>>>>

Question #5: Why didn't we get to see Rosetta get over her phobia by the end of the book?

Answer #5: You know, when I was drafting this, I always expected that <<<<< she would ride in a car at the end and that would be a huge triumph for her and for Seth.  Hooray! But when the time came, it just wasn't realistic to me. This is a girl who has spent EIGHT MONTHS avoiding cars completely. Can you imagine what her life is like? What her aunt and uncle have to put up with? She is suffering from PTSD and anxiety and has turned her fear into a full-blown phobia that is definitely hindering her life. I  think that would a huge stretch (not to mention irresponsible of me) to imply that she that she can go from freaking out at Seth's car in the rain to riding in a car a week later in time for his show.

Also! Part of what I realized in the theme of this story is that you can and should try to help people out (ala turning over passed out Carr), but there are also times when you can't save them no matter how much you wish you could. Seth had to learn that about Isaac. And, on a smaller scale, he learned it about Rosetta. No matter how much he wanted her to get over her fear, this was something she had to do on her own.  Once he let it go, I felt that I had to, too. >>>>>

Question #6: That makes sense, I guess. But couldn't you have written an epilogue that takes place a few months later where <<<<<she's been in therapy and finally gets over her fear and then we get to see her ride off into the sunset for ourselves?>>>>>

Answer #6: I could have. I actually did write that epilogue at one point (but I'm not sure if I still have it saved anywhere).  The thing is, though, I feel like I gave <<<<<Seth and Rosetta a hopeful ending the way this the book is written. To me, adding the epilogue would have been like saying, "Hey, everyone! How did you like that ending? Because here is an even happier one for you now! HOORAY!" >>>>> And that would have been corny.

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All right! So that's the stuff! I hope that reading that didn't kill your eyes and that you enjoyed and/or were enlightened by these answers. If you have any further questions for me, please feel free to leave them in the comments or email them to me at mindirochelle [at] gmail [dot] com.

I also want to say that I am very appreciative of everyone who has made the past six months so gratifying for me by picking up Freefall, recommending it friends, taking the time to write to me about it, and getting excited already for my next book Live Through This. You are all amazing! So THANK YOU! ♥

FREEFALL Book Trailer

This is the book trailer for Freefall! The song is "Gentle Steel" by Sunhaven. You can listen to the full-length song at the band's MySpace page. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTFM8NM5a7s]

Reactions to Freefall

(Click each reviewer's name to read their full review.)

“Highlighting the dark (and yet acutely relevant) side of high school today, Scott brings to the table heavy issues that are impacting teens with a storyline that reads as real as life itself. With characters that ring true and a journey that proves honest, Freefall is no doubt sure to be one of the best contemporary young adult books of the year.” – New York Journal of Books

"Scott does a remarkable job capturing her characters and making them come to life. The reader will feel the depth of the characters and care about what happens to them. The novel is well-written with a realistic storyline that stays focused on the characters and the events that bring them together." 5Q/4P – VOYA

"Scott's well-crafted debut reads like a John Hughes–style romantic comedy filtered through a study of teenage grieving... Seth's slow discovery of his own potential keeps the story moving and entertaining." - Publisher's Weekly

"This is a realistic novel with compelling issues depicted as they are in life. With this first novel, Scott proves herself a formidable talent in the field of YA fiction." -Booklist

"Seth's character is fully realized, without the burden of too much introspection or weighty insight to bog down the pace of the narrative. This is a solid exploration of what you can and can't do to help your friends, built on top of an engaging story of boy meets girl." -Bulletin for Center of Children's Books

“Freefall is a great story about growing up, facing your fears, and learning to communicate. Set to a background of rock music, beer, and magic eight balls, Seth McCoy is a modern day Lloyd Dobbler without Lloyd's creep-factor.” – Shaun David Hutchinson, author of The Deathday Letter (via Goodreads)

"Freefall is a fantastic read for teens, as Mindi Scott has provided a life saver for teens who feel like life is against them. Through her gritty and realistic writing, she's does a wonderful job at tackling the tough situations teens face. Through Seth's character she gives the reader hope that no matter what our situation in life may be, we have the power to take charge and change it, or continue to free fall into it.” - Katie at Mundie Moms

“A wonderful addition to contemporary realistic YA fiction. Raw and vivid . . . real and matter-of-fact.” – Melanie at Reclusive Bibliophile

“Freefall is exhilarating—I laughed out loud, I was turning the pages like crazy to find what would happen to Seth next, and I enjoyed it from start to finish. This debut is made of win.” - Tiger Holland at Tiger’s All-Consuming Books

“It isn't often I stumble upon a book that deals with such a serious concept, and yet come away feeling light and airy once I've completed it. I fell in love with Freefall from the first few pages. It is a book that I know will stay in my heart for a very long time.” -Jessica at A Fanatic's Book Blog

"Freefall was absolutely amazing and is definitely one of my favorite books of all time." - Katie at Just Call Me Bookworm

“A raw but well written view of high school years and young love that will keep you captivated until the last page.” - Amy J. at My Overstuffed Bookshelf

“The relationship between Seth and Rosetta was carefully paced and beautifully written . . . they've definitely become one of my all time favorite ‘couples.’” - Amber at Just Your Typical Book Blog (via Goodreads)

“Amazing, simply amazing. This is one powerful YA novel.” - Crystal at My Reading Room

"The drama, intrigue, and romance was all realistically portrayed and I applaud Mindi Scott for tacking so many issues shied away from in YA lit today. I definitely recommend reading Freefall come October. It's an emotional and fantastic debut that will tug the heart strings of every reader." - Kelsey at The Book Scout (via Goodreads)

“I often have a difficult time relating to male narrators . . . I should never have underestimated author Mindi Scott; I found it remarkably easy to empathize with Seth.” – Sara at The Hiding Spot

“A beautiful and haunting debut that should not be missed.” – Kapri at Book Fanatics

“While Mindi oozes sweetness in her vlogs and tweets, her writing is full of angst and guilt and pain in the best possible way. Scott never hides from any of the painful emotions, drinking or drug use. Instead, she describes all of Seth’s vices with a beauty that allows the reader to feel empathy for him.” - Erika Lynn at Kiss My Book.

"The world of FREEFALL is beautifully realized. I could really see the small Pacific Northwest town and get a sense of the types of people that lived there. (Plus, I always give bonus points to a character living in a trailer park and not being a cliche stereotype.)" - Valerie Kemp, YA Writer

"Even at his worst moments, there is still an endearing element to Seth and I completely empathized with this boy. The changes he makes are astounding, well paced, and perfectly build, making Seth a very three dimensional, raw character." - Kari, A Good Addiction

"This book is a phenomenal introduction for new author Mindi Scott. All the characters come alive and seem multi-faceted." - Challenging the Bookworm Blog

Blog: I would have given anything to be like . . .

Kirsten Hubbard's debut novel, LIKE MANDARIN, was released earlier this month by Delacorte Press. It is the story of 14-year-old Grace Carpenter who would give anything to be like 17-year-old Mandarin Ramey -- the bold, carefree wild girl of their small Wyoming town.

Kirsten asked a few other YA authors to help her celebrate the release of LIKE MANDARIN by writing about the person we would have given anything to be like when we were teens. There are lots of great posts, some at Kirsten's blog, some at their own.

You can check out my post here, (spoiler: I wrote about someone famous!) and if you leave a comment, you might also win LIKE MANDARIN prizes!