If I had a time machine, I would tell my 23-year-old self NOT to buy a house with a big yard and lots of trees and flower beds and junk like that. 

Because, as I learned shortly after we bought this place, I hate doing yard work, my golf course assistant superintendent husband doesn't like working outside when he isn't getting paid, and ALSO?  We can't afford to pay anyone else to do it for us.

Today I did a stint of work in the front yard at Dwayne's request.  I trimmed the hydrangeas back, ripped out some weeds, and piled all the clippings up while he trimmed the climber plant on the front of the house and raked the flower beds. 

Here are some of the things we talked about, just so you feel like you'll were there:

I scream.

Him:  What?

Me:  There's a worm here.  Like, crawling by me!  It's wiggling all over!

Him:  That's what worms do.  They live in soil.

Me:  Well, I don't think we should be out here then.  It seems particularly cruel to disturb these poor creatures that aren't used to being disturbed. 


Me:  I will never forgive you for this.

Him:  For what?  Forcing you to work your land?

Me:  For putting sludge in our wheel baron and making it smell like a pig pen! 

Him:  I didn't put sludge in it.   It just turned into sludge because it's been sitting there all winter composting.

Me:  Well, I just  wish you hadn't done it, that's all.  It's unforgivable.


I scream.

Him:  What?

Me:  This bug!  It's a big, humongous bug!

Him:  It's a beetle.  Beetles are good for yards.  And, wow.  That is a big one!

Me:  I know!  And it's crawling around right next to me!


I pick up a pile of bleeding hearts after Dwayne trims them back.

Me:  What should I do with these?  Throw them into the big pile or make a flower arrangement with them?

Dwayne:  You can do whatever you want.

Me:  I think I'll just throw them in the pile.

Dwayne:  That's the Mindi I know!