With the exception of a small revision to Seth's story in December, I haven't been writing fiction since the end of November. Instead, I've been reading. And doing manuscript critiques. And -- painful truth be told -- totally dicking around.
I have been pondering further revisions for Sat8B during this time. And I've been coming up with lots of new ideas for 17 BY 17. However, all that pondering has been going on in my head and certainly not on paper or the computer.
I know that I could have been working on 17 BY 17 while waiting for my agent's revision notes (which I'm hopeful will arrive by the middle of this month). That's what I should have done. But I didn't. I just... haven't wanted to. I think it's because it's the thing I was deep into when the majority of the Seth rejections were coming in. To reassure me, people were saying things like, "Well, the one you're working on now has the stronger hook. Keep going with it. It will probably be the one to get you an agent!"
And somehow I got it in my head that Kae's story was My Only Hope at Ever Getting an Agent. So, I obsessed over it. I had to make it better. I had to make it perfect or else this writing thing was never, ever, ever, ever going to happen for me. All the pressure I was putting on myself resulted in major burn out. And a longer-than-expected break from writing.
But, today. Today, I woke up wanting to work on Kae's story for the first time in more than two months! Over three weeks after landing an agent with Seth's story, I think it's finally sunk in that Kae wasn't My Only Hope after all. And now I can chill out and just write her story.
So, I've spent some time today reorganizing all the files I've saved for 17 By 17. I took a quick peek at the most recent version of the outline and was beyond horrified to see that the progression of the main plot doesn't at all match how it's evolved in my mind lately.
I'm a little overwhelmed thinking about all the work ahead of me to incorporate my many changes and getting back to the draft. But I'm ready to again be a writer who, you know, writes. Finally ready.