Musings on "the."

I watched the movie Sliding Doors shortly after it came out in the late 90s.  At the time, I found it odd that the characters said, "hospital" instead of "the hospital."

Like, "My mother is in hospital."

It just didn't sound right.  Incomplete.  Everyone I know around in my piece of the U.S. would say, "My mother is in the hospital."

I've thought about it a lot over the years.  The same language.  Slightly different usage.  Here, I think it's more often "the University" instead of just "University."  But it's "college" not "the college."  (YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE.)  But if I am going to school or court, I don't add the word "the" in front.  It's just "Going to school."  "Going to court."  Why is THE hospital different as an institution?  I don't know!  And in England, do they get books at "library" or "the library"?

In recent years, I've started randomly adding "the" when I talk.  I think it first started with characters on FRIENDS and/or BUFFY saying, stuff like, "Are you ready to have all the sex?"  Oh, and also some awards show where Brendan Fraser came out with Dwayne Johnson (formerly known as The Rock) and repeatedly referred to himself "The Brendan Fraser!"

This habit of mine is getting worse and worse.  Now I find myself saying that I'm going to "the Safeway," "the Costco," "the Taco Time."  And I'll add "the" with cities, states, countries, holidays, books, movies, etc, etc.  "We saw the Nightmare of You when we were in the New York for the St. Patrick's Day." (That's an extreme example, yes.)  "We forgot to record the One Tree Hill last week when we went to the Ballard."  "Remember when my legs got sunburned when we were in the Mexico?"  "Did you read the CRACKED UP TO BE yet?"

It's wonder people still want to converse with me.  (Or perhaps they don't!)  Luckily, I save most of the ridiculousness for my husband and my sister.

Prepping for subs.

Agent Jim (AJ) is all set to submit to ten editors (on a still-evolving list) starting on Monday!!!!  (That list will include an editor I worked with during the second-draft stage back in fall of aught-seven who specifically asked me to have him send it to her!)

AJ and I spoke for about fifteen minutes this morning.  He says he's really excited to share this story and to let these editors meet my characters.  And he is very pleased with the revisions--all the changes I made were exactly what he'd hoped to see.  He's already spoken with several editors about it, and says he will be talking it up more before next week.  So, it's all very positive, good news moving forward right now.  Which, I imagine is to be expected at this stage.

One thing I asked about is the fact that it is obvious from my name that I am a female and my character is a male.  I don't want to be some dorky dork all harping and stressing over insignificant things, but I have definitely run into problems (or perceived problems) with this during the life of this story.  I had a writing instructor read my first two chapters and tell me to switch to Rosetta's POV because "it's just too hard for a woman to pull this off."  I had an agent say that she couldn't put her finger on why the story didn't hold her attention, but she thought maybe it had to do with "the gender disconnect between author and character."   If they'd thought my name was, like, Michael Scott or something, would they have said those things?  There is no way of knowing, but I suspect not.

I have tried not to make my gender an issue (except when I bitch about other people doing so, I guess), but I do think it's important.  Kristin Nelson wrote a blog post recently in which she states that she feels certain literary projects would have sold if the author had been male instead of female.  That's for literary, not YA.  But I have never seen a first-time YA novelist who has published under their real first name when the MC's gender is different from their own.  (If there is someone out there, please tell me!  I really want to know!)

AJ doesn't feel like this is something to worry about right now.  It's mostly just a marketing issue.  I do know that.  I just don't like the idea of editors not liking/connecting with Seth because my name is Mindi.  Getting published is hard enough with having extra obstacles like this, right?  But he is confident that it won't be an issue, so I'm going to try to have faith that he's right.

Submissions can take anywhere between two days and a year, he said.  During the wait, he will update me only on a need-to-know basis unless I specifically request that he tell me about each and every response as it comes in.  For now, his plan sounds good to me.  I'm kind of relieved about this being fully in someone else's hands. 

We'll see how long this feeling lasts...

Revisions approved!

As you may recall, I sent my revisions to my agent about two weeks ago. 

He responded this morning, saying he loves the changes and we are all set to go.  All caps and lots of exclamation points were included, so that was cool.  We are going to set up a time to talk this week and he will start submitting next week.

Eeeeeeee!

I am very, very excited.  Every step of the way, I've been thinking, This is the real thing.  And then I freak out a little. 

Next week, the real anxiety begins, right?

I am annoying myself!

During downtimes, I've had this non-stop first-person narration going through my head for a long while now. When I'm deep in a project, it is often narrated by my character. I think his/her thoughts in his/her voice. I work out dialogue for scenes that I will soon write or revise. I come up with scene openers and whatnot.

Right now, though, it's just me in here. And I am irritating! I'm on this list kick. It's stupid and mostly nonsensical. I will think a thought and then try to start a list about it. Basically, I mention the type of list it would be, but it goes no further. It always trails off all dot, dot, dot. (But not in a MAMMA MIA movie dot, dot, dot way.)

For example:

I am bored.

Immediately, my brain will rephrase it: On the list of people who are bored . . .

That smells bad = On the list of things that smell bad . . .

Dwayne is tired of soup = On the list of people who are tired of soup . . .

You get the idea here. It's completely obnoxious.

On the list of things that are obnoxious . . .

Make. It. Stop.

The internet -- it will be the death of me and/or my productivity.

Some of the things I have done today

1.  Scanned through hundreds of athletic swimsuits online. 

2.  Purchased zero athletic swimsuits.

3.  Researched mortgage rates for home refinancing.

4.  Called our mortgage broker and made an appointment to discuss home refinancing in person.

5.  Viewed dozens of yoga mats. 

6.  Bought zero yoga mats.

7.  Learned about Kettlenetics.

8.  Received a call from my best friend during which we discussed--among other things--teenage boy puberty stuff.  (She has an eleven-year-old son.)

9.  Read descriptions and reviews of books about teenage boy puberty stuff.

10.  Baked sweet potatoes.

11.  Refreshed my email (intermittently) 13,539 times.

12.  Added a pointless line right here so there wouldn't be eleven items in my list.

13.  Distractedly refreshed my email in another screen.

14.  Screamed, because having a list with thirteen items is just as bad as having eleven. 

15.  Scolded myself, and vowed that I will accomplish something truly great* immediately after posting this. 

*Eating a sweet potato and sorting laundry.