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The language of cats.

I've been living with the same four cats for eight years.  I have to tell you, I am completely fed up with their refusal to speak English. 

Authorities on the subject of cat psychology and whatnot say that when cats relieve themselves in places they aren't supposed to (meaning anywhere except the litter box or outside), they are trying to tell you something.  Maybe they're sick.  Or they have an infection.  Or they don't like the brand of cat litter you bought.  Or they want you to scoop said litter box more often.  Or they're mad at you for something you did and perhaps don't even know you did.  Or they're trying to be dominant over the other cats in the house and are using their pee to say, "Hey, other cats!  You better stay the KOMO4 away from that microwave!"

(After hundreds and hundreds of dollars in vet bills, we've determined that one of our cats does have health issues that comes and goes.  But these other cats?  They just have behavior problems.  A clean litter box does nothing to keep them in line, nor does Feliway.)

I, for one, am not a fan of urination as a means of communication.  In fact, every time I find myself smelling it and cleaning it up, I fantasize about throwing the cats outside and never letting them back in.  And even though I like having them around most of the time, I do try to estimate how long their lifespans might be so I can count down how many more years I'll have to put up with this.

All this resentment (and disgustingness) could end once and for all if the cats would stop being so stubborn and just start speaking English. 

I know, I know.  They've made the secret pact with the whole Animal World to pretend like they don't know how.  But I know the truth!  Several years ago, I startled Angelus and he slipped up by yelling, "Hey!" at me in his high-pitched kitty voice.  The other cats were really mad because now I'm on to them. 

Seriously, though.  How much better would all our lives be if this picture of my gray baby represented reality?

Yes.  A lot better. 

Get on it, cats.

AUTHOR INTERVIEW: Jacqueline Houtman


Jacqueline Houtman is the author of THE REINVENTION OF EDISON THOMAS, a MG novel released by Front Street, an imprint of Boyds Mills Press on March 15, 2010.   

Eddy Thomas can read a college physics book, but he can’t read the emotions on the faces of his classmates at Drayton Middle School. He can spend hours tinkering with an invention, but he can’t stand more than a few minutes in a noisy crowd, like the crowd at the science fair, which Eddy fails to win. Eddy uses his ingenuity to solve a traffic safety problem, but he can’t seem to solve his own bully problem. With the help of some new friends, Eddy discovers that even the mechanics of friendship can be learned. By trusting his real friends and accepting their help, Eddy uses his talents to help others and rethinks his purely mechanical definition of success.


THE MAGIC 8


1.      Mindi Scott:  At age eight, what did you want to be when you grew up?  And at age eighteen?  And while you’re at it, what about at age twenty-eight?

                  JH:  Eight: ballerina

                  Eighteen: University professor

                  Twenty-eight: Writer/director for Nova

                  I could go on...and on.

 

2.      MS:  Which Breakfast-Club-style label would have best fit your teenage self? 

JH:  The Genius. I was an academic overachiever.

 

3.      MS:  What are some of your superstitions and/or phobias?

JH:  I’m deathly afraid of heights and/or falling. Last summer we were driving on the Needles Highway in the Black Hills of South Dakota and there were all these narrow winding roads with no guardrails to prevent people from plunging to their deaths on the rocks below. It took hours for them to pry my fingers from the armrest.

 

4.   MS:  Without giving away too much from your book, which character or scene are you the most pleased about having created, and why?

JH:  I’d have to say I’m most proud of creating Eddy. He was so much fun to write, and I think he came out as a very likeable kid, despite some pretty annoying habits. I’m very attached to him.

 

5.      MS:  Was there any certain music that inspired you while you were writing this book, or is there a song that could serve as your protagonist’s theme song?


JH:  Eddy’s favorite group is They Might Be Giants, and he especially likes their sciency songs, so I would have to choose “Science is Real” as Eddy’s theme song.

 

6.      MS:  What’s up next for you as a writer?

JH:  You mean besides answering all these questions? I do have another MG novel in progress. Also very sciency.

 

7.      MS: And, now, the most important question of all:  Beatles or Elvis?  Please support your answer.  ;-)

JH:  Beatles, definitely. Their music was much more varied and broke a lot of new ground. Besides, there were four of them, all cute, and all with British accents.

 

8.      MS:  Okay, your turn.  Do you have a question you’d like me to ask my Magic 8-Ball on your behalf?  (I’m telling you, this thing is scarily accurate!  Well, except for when it’s lying.)

JH:  Will my office ever be clean?

MS:  Ha!  Something tells me you were expecting this answer!  Thank you so much, Jacqueline! 

To learn more about Jacqueline Houtman and THE REINVENTION OF EDISON THOMAS, please check out www.jhoutman.com

Go ahead - make my day.

Part of my day job requires making weekly deposits .  So every Tuesday, I go to the bank in the main lobby of my building and see the same half a dozen or so tellers. 

Today, one of my deposits contained eight quarters.  Bryan behind the counter picked them up and studied them each individually.  I thought he was checking to see if I was trying to deposit Canadian coins, but then he smiled and said, "Yes!" as he set two of the quarters aside. 

He then explained that there's a lady who comes in every Tuesday afternoon after volunteering at the art museum.  Her grandson is collecting U.S. quarters and she has been searching in vain for Guam and Puerto Rico on his behalf.  Bryan digs through his cash drawer every week, but hasn't been able to help her out. 

Until today!  As it turns out, two of the quarters I deposited were Guam quarters.

Bryan was all excited as he told me, "You've just made someone's day.  You have no idea!  I was feeling kind of bad because I knew she'd be in today and I wouldn't be able to give her any of the quarters she needs.  But she is going to be so happy now!"

Obviously, I didn't do anything to make anyone's day here.  Not anything deliberate, I mean.  I just handed over the quarters someone had paid me. 

But Bryan was doing something deliberate.  And the fact he couldn't stop smiling about getting to make this lady's day?  Well, that kind of made my day a little bit too.

March Madness Writing Challenge. Update #2.

For the past thirteen days, I've been writing scenes.  Rough, rough scenes.  The goal is to complete twenty-five of these suckers (ha!) before March 31st. 

After a kind of rocky start, it's going really well.  I'm writing rough scenes and moving forward to write new rough scenes without tweaking or rewriting or obsessing (too much) over how much this stuff sucks. 

So, of course, the part that isn't going well is that I'm not putting pen to paper and magically getting perfect first drafts.  But I am getting first drafts and that's what matters.  Whooooo!  I'm doing it!  Who'd have thunk it?

I've completed 16 of my 25 scenes so far.  It's very exciting because once I have the full 25, I really will have a beginning, middle, and an end.  I'll just have to go back in, rewrite every single scene, and fill in all the many blanks.  Yikes!  But actually? That sounds like fun.  That will be the good part and make these weeks of torture worthwhile because, as you know, I LOVE to revise and polish my work.

I don't want to say too much about the story itself right now, but I will say that it is an uncomfortable subject.  I have two very specific things I'm trying to accomplish with it.  I haven't managed either yet; I know it.  But, jeez!  How could I? 

THIS IS MY FIRST KOMO4-ING DRAFT!