I used to hang out with a girl who had an aversion to the word "moist," and she couldn't handle hearing it spoken aloud. Naturally, in her presence, it would often happen that someone would say a thing like, "Mmmm. I love this cake. It's so light and moi--"

Right then, she would jump in with, "DON'T EVEN SAY IT."

The other person would make their most innocent face and respond with: "Say what? Moist?"

And then the shrieking and laughter would commence.

There's a word out there that affects me, but not in such a dramatic way as all that. It's more like I hear it, tense up, and want to leave the premise. That word is "cream" when used as a verb. (Not as a noun. And not when a barista says: "Do you want whipped cream on your hot chocolate?" I can totally be on board with that.)

Back in the olden days after I turned twenty-one, I went to a bar with a couple of girls on a Tuesday night or something. One of them said, "Oh, they make the best popcorn in the world here! I swear, you try it and you'll cream your jeans."

I had never heard anyone say such a horrible thing. The imagery. Oh, the imagery! I was like, "I'll do what?"

Both girls gave me Looks. I guess because I was being immature? Because grown-up twenty-one-year olds should be able to say, "Cream your jeans" without people freaking out? The thing is, here it is eleven years later and I still remember how I felt when she said that. Like, yuck. And, in fact, I felt the same way then that I do now when I hear "Grease Lightning" from Grease: You are supreme / The chicks'll cream for grease lightning.


(Ah, and re-reading this, I see that it seems to be the sentiment that gets to me more than the actual word. Interesting, because I can and do say all sorts of other filthy things along those lines that don't bother me in the slightest.)