A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from my agent letting me know that an editor wanted to speak with me about revisions to make sure I was on board with her suggestions. The idea I was getting, of course, is that if I did end up being on board, perhaps an offer on my book might be made. (It was.)
The day the phone call was to take place was a day that I had to work at the office. When I arrived, I let my manager know that I had to make a call in a few minutes. It wouldn't take long, but I just wouldn't be available for a bit. She said, "No problem! You can use my office if you'll like some extra privacy." (I sit at a cubicle with low divider walls.)
So, I made the call and felt really good afterward. My hopes were very high. And that made me very high, I suppose. So high that when I let my manager have her office back and she said, "Hey, HR is putting on a Health & Fitness Week in a couple of weeks. Are you available to lead a group of employees on a 30-minute walk to the waterfront and back that Friday?" I said, "Oh, sure!!!"
I immediately forgot about it. The entire conversation was (temporarily) wiped from my memory. Then I came into the office this past Monday and read an email from HR announcing Health & Fitness Week. Somehow, that didn't jog my memory. Instead, I was like, Oh, cool. Free smoothies today. Hmm. What else is going on? Some classes about health stuff on my days off. Massages. Oh, and 30-minute scheduled walks on Friday. I'll be working Friday. Maybe I'll go for one of those walks--"
And that's when I remembered. I'd already committed to it. I was supposed to be one of the walk leader people!
Now, I realize this isn't that big of a deal. It isn't like I'm a tour guide and have to entertain my followers. I just have to meet them in the lobby by Starbucks at the appointed time and say, "Hey, peeps! Let's do this." And then they will walk with me for a half hour to and from the office. That's easy, right?
When, then, am I so nervous? Why did I have a nightmare last night that I was being thwarted at every turn and couldn't make it to Starbucks until the walk I was supposed to lead was over? Why am I simulaneously fearful that lots of people will want to walk with me and find me lacking as a walking leader or that, even worse, NO ONE will show up at all?
This is why writing and work are unmixy things. I never would have agreed to do this if I'd been in my right mind!