A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from my agent letting me know that an editor wanted to speak with me about revisions to make sure I was on board with her suggestions.  The idea I was getting, of course, is that if I did end up being on board, perhaps an offer on my book might be made.  (It was.)

The day the phone call was to take place was a day that I had to work at the office.  When I arrived, I let my manager know that I had to make a call in a few minutes.  It wouldn't take long, but I just wouldn't be available for a bit.  She said, "No problem!  You can use my office if you'll like some extra privacy."  (I sit at a cubicle with low divider walls.)

So, I made the call and felt really good afterward.  My hopes were very high.  And that made me very high, I suppose.  So high that when I let my manager have her office back and she said, "Hey, HR is putting on a Health & Fitness Week in a couple of weeks.  Are you available to lead a group of employees on a 30-minute walk to the waterfront and back that Friday?" I said, "Oh, sure!!!"

I immediately forgot about it. The entire conversation was (temporarily) wiped from my memory.  Then I came into the office this past Monday and read an email from HR announcing Health & Fitness Week.  Somehow, that didn't jog my memory.  Instead, I was like, Oh, cool.  Free smoothies today.  Hmm.  What else is going on?  Some classes about health stuff on my days off.  Massages.  Oh, and 30-minute scheduled walks on Friday.  I'll be working Friday.  Maybe I'll go for one of those walks--"

And that's when I remembered.   I'd already committed to it.  I was supposed to be one of the walk leader people!

Now, I realize this isn't that big of a deal.  It isn't like I'm a tour guide and have to entertain my followers.  I just have to meet them in the lobby by Starbucks at the appointed time and say, "Hey, peeps!  Let's do this."  And then they will walk with me for a half hour to and from the office.  That's easy, right?

When, then, am I so nervous?  Why did I have a nightmare last night that I was being thwarted at every turn and couldn't make it to Starbucks until the walk I was supposed to lead was over?  Why am I simulaneously fearful that lots of people will want to walk with me and find me lacking as a walking leader or that, even worse, NO ONE will show up at all?

This is why writing and work are unmixy things.  I never would have agreed to do this if I'd been in my right mind!