I'm feeling a bit blah at the mo.

Yesterday, I started up a new class through MediaBistro taught by Liesa Abrams.  I've posted my idea and outline to "get approval," but it will take a few days to get a response, I'm sure.  In the meantime, I'm just stressing.  About everything.

My department had a spa retreat today.  It wasn't super elaborate, but we each got to choose one thirty-minute treatment from the list.  Then we had catered lunch on the patio.  I wasn't expecting recognition for being the person who did all the research and arranged the location, but I have to say, I was disappointed when my boss failed to even mention my efforts to the others.  So, I guess deep down, I did expect some recognition, huh?

My treatment was a thirty-minute hydrotherapy mud bath.  It was nice.  I was alone in the room with dim lighting and relaxing music with the jets going and chocolate scent.  It took a huge chunk of the session before my brain to actually stopped THINKING, THINKING, THINKING, so I could relax.  And that's when I realized:  I don't ever just relax.  Ever.  Even when I sit down to take an actual bath at home, it's to shave my legs, ponder writing ideas, or read a book or something.  When I go to bed at night, I'm awake for an hour plus, thinking.  If I'm ever sitting around, I'm considering all the things I should be doing. 

But today in the mud bath, there was nothing else I could do but lie there.  My relaxed, non-thinking time probably totaled about ten minutes.  It was enough to make me see that it's pretty messed up that I've gone months on end -- years even -- without feeling as much peace as I had during those ten minutes.  I mean, whoa.   Getting out and going back to the party was a little hard to take, actually.