Having queries and partials out with a variety of agents means that when I get one of my SASEs in the mail, I don't know who it's coming from. In fact, I don't even know if it will be a rejection or a request for more pages. I always assume it's a rejection, but I've had it happen both ways. There is this moment at the mailbox where my heart pounds at double time and my breath catches in anticipation. I examine the postmark and breathe a sigh of relief that it isn't from the state where my first-choice agent is located. (Right now she has my full manuscript, so anything in the mail from her is likely to be bad, bad news. I don't want bad, bad news from her!)

If it's a request, I get excited and dance around little. If it's a rejection - and it usually is - I still have hope. I don't care because it wasn't from my first-choice!

So, the mailbox visit is quite an exciting and stressful part of my day. I just don't know how I'll convince myself to have hope if one day a rejection letter is from her.